'Population explosion' doesn't mean what I want it to mean, but sometimes I like to savour the image.
Did you hear about the hungry clock who went back four seconds?
I saw a sign in a shop window that said 'Batteries included - no charge'. I thought 'What use are they then?'
I haven't written a will,. It would be a dead giveaway.
Is the Thatcher film rated PG because it's not suitable for miners?
My girlfriend thinks I'm a stalker. Well, she's not quite my girlfriend yet.
And now we return you to the normal, doom-laden world of reality. Sorry about that.
13 comments:
Reminds me of the line from the Mamet film Heist:
My man is so cool that when he goes to sleep, sheep count him.
Henny youngman,has ben re-incarnated...
Tesco sell a very good own-brand antihistamene which might make you drowsy due to the presence of citrizine. It knocks me out when I can't sleep.
Much sympathy; I did the no-sleep thing for a while last year and ended up writing gloomy 4am posts about all manner of social and financial ills and what I'd do to the next person who suggested lettuce or Horlicks. I salute your upbeat approach - keep 'em coming.
I wrote this joke for Tim Vine and posted it on his Facebook wall. He 'liked' it, so maybe he'll use it one day?....
I went to the doctor and he said, "What's wrong now, Tim?"
I said, "Two things: I think I've got piles and my eyesight's getting worse ."
He said, "How many fingers have I got up?"I said, "It's difficult to tell... now, what about my eyesight?"Ba-boom!
Magnesium deficiency? Allegedly the vast majority of the population is magnesium-deficient, due to the poor nutritive content of supermarket food. Insomnia is one of its first symptoms.
Off-topic: Alan Watt's Jan 12 podcast tells us that smoking helps prevent disease - amongst other things.
My neighbour has a note on her door which says: "Please Use Doorbell". I can never walk past it without having to fight an asperger's urge to treat this as a directive to be obeyed.
Just yesterday I heard some schoolkids come by. I could hear their chatter as they approached, indistinct, and then the words: "That's the one, the one with the note. 'Please Use Doorbell' - go on, knock on it!" A brief moment of muted muttering, then a loud rap-rap-rap on the door, the sound of half-a-dozen 8-year-old lads pegging it down the street. While I would give them full marks for their anarchist stance at not obeying the rules, this was an utter fail in knock-n-run terms on account of the fact that the door is double-glazed, hence the note...
Why did the persistent troll leave his basement?
Because his mum had shouted for him to come back upstairs (OK, I know that was terrible!).
Ftmunch, "Baby on Board" car stickers always get me...why not have a sticker saying "Look out - large mass of metal containing petrol tank"?
SAOT, I take Piriton sometimes for my terminal insomnia, and it seems to work. I'll try that brand too, though.
Could be. My eating habits lately have not been what you might call 'mineral-rich'.
Tim Vine impresses me because he can run a whole show with one-liners.
I find red wine has a similar effect in sufficient quantity.
At the moment I seem to be on the 4x4 sleeping pattern. I get 6-8 hours within 24, but in two 3-4 hour blocks rather than one.
The worst one is where I conk out at my desk and wake up with Quasimodo Neck.
I like the cartoon.
Still trying to get these to fit a Kindle screen. Unfortunately they were drawn long before handheld devices were available so they were designed to fit A4.
I could do them as PDF easily enough, I think.
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