Wednesday, 27 April 2011

Ready Brek Kids.

Some of the (well most of the) readers won't remember the Ready Brek adverts. Most of those who watched the ads are as dead as those who watched the Chernobyl display and said "Ooo, pretty lights" but for mostly different reasons. It was a kind of breakfast porridge that was made with hot milk and the adverts claimed you'd glow after eating it. Well I didn't. I just felt as if I'd eaten cement and it had set halfway down. These days I get a similar effect with Guinness.

Ready Brek might have been the reason there were so few obese kids about as I grew up. One bowl of that and you could not physically ingest anything else until teatime.

Still, there are many groups now offering that healthy glow and you don't even have to eat a bowl of hot concrete every day to achieve it.

The mad Mullahs claim they have a nuclear bomb in Europe and they'll set it off if we mess with Mr. Bin Liner. Ha ha ha. If they had one they'd have fired it by now. The leadership might have a plan but the footsoldiers are suicide bombers, derived from the ranks of losers with no future and recruited via the suicide hotline. They have nothing in their lives to look forward to but the end of it. If they had a banger they'd stick it up their backsides and aim it at a fan. They think they will get 72 virgins when they die, and they will, all of whom are huge and hairy and called Vinny, and all of whom are keen for their first go. They are waiting for yoooo...

The mad Mullahs also claim they will disrupt the Royal Hitchings this week. No they won't. Mad yes, stupid no. Blow up the plebs and we'll all say 'tut'. Mess with the Royals and there will be a silence over the land for a short while.

I am not a Royalist. I actually like Mrs Queen but I don't see any reason to feel protective about someone who has an army around her house. They don't cost us anything compared to the cretinous Clegg, the simpering Cameron, Special Ed and their EU-controlled drones and let's be honest, Phil's occasional non-PC outbursts are worth far more than we pay him. Damn, we should scrap the BBC and let Phil run the broadcasting. That would be value for money.

Jug-ears is a plonker. There are scientific words such as 'anencephalic' but let's not get technical, it will just confuse him. His sons are not quite so bad and neither are his brothers. I think the reason there is so much of a push to skip his Kinginess is that those in power remember something they don't teach kids in school any more. As in, what happened when Charles I and II were around. The way things are going it could well happen again.

Then again, what they teach in schools now is the products of minds of a level of derangement I can only aspire to. I write fiction and I'm telling you, I could not make this shit up. I've actually been trying and they are one step ahead all the way.

Anyway, what about little shiny-topped Edward, young Brasso-bonce, brother of Jug-ears and so terribly ignored and disparaged? He's starting to look like his father and that alone should get him a spot on prime time TV. If he's anywhere near as un-PC as Phil, make him King. Now.

But I digress, as usual. I will ignore the Royal Wedding and my only feeling on that day will be one of rage because I won't get a Higgs boson of sense out of anyone. So Goofy Wingnutson is marrying some rather pleasant wench. So what? I am not invited as I am not invited to any weddings since the unfortunate incident at my brother's. Sure, I wish them every happiness but it's none of my business. It will, however, get in my way all day.

I am not English. I am a Welsh/Italian/random mongrel living in Scotland. Here there will be few who will even notice the wedding unless the nookie night is on You Tube. There are many English who despise the Monarchy even though it can actually affect policy less than the guy who sweeps the steps at Plymouth town hall. But there will be massive crowds at that wedding.

So. I am not a Royalist. I am not English. I am looking in from outside. What I see is this - if the mad Mullahs manage to wreck this wedding, by next week there will not be a Muslim alive in the UK. No, this is not a threat. I don't care about Teeth-boy's wedding and I care nothing for religion. It is an observation. The English have form on this one. Slow to anger but once you have, you're fucked.

The mullahs will not disrupt this wedding. Mad but not stupid. Unfortunately they have recruited the mad and stupid to their cause so disruption might well happen.

Then they might set off their little firework.

I hope it's in Brussels. Under the EU regime, nowhere else matters.

If it's anywhere else it will not even make the news.


F***W*T TW****R said...

Plymouth, 's a city. I cleaned those steps when those buggers sodded off to the yet to be named Obamaland. (Land of the strong, free and any religion you like as long as it's despotic).

Anonymous said...

By coincidence I've just started eating Ready Brek after a break of some 50 years. I think it took that long to get through the system. But I love it and its far more enjoyable than a bowl of dust with a raisin.
The most tolerant nation in the world is edging closer and closer to saying 'damn'. Once that's said the gloves come off.

Timdog said...

"I am not invited as I am not invited to any weddings since the unfortunate incident at my brother's."

Jackanory! What happened?

George Speller said...

It may well be that the islamists won't actually attempt to disrupt the grand occasion, but you can be bloody certain that there'll be a *report* of a dastardly plot foiled once again by our brave boys . . .

subrosa said...

Auch LI, I thought you'd use the Royal wedding as a good excuse to treat yourself to a nice bottle of malt and sit with your feet up watching just how your hard-earned money is squandered.

Anonymous said...

Sadly we south of the border seldom see how our money is squandered north of it.Roll on the breakup of the UK.

banned said...

BBC were busy warning us of how Islam Against Crusades (or wotever) were planning a Wedding Day diversion and the police response to it until just yesterday when the broadcasted the gangs supposed "there is a plot to disrupt the wedding but we ain't involved innit, inshalahha Alu Akhba!!".

Leg-iron said...

Timdog - there was the matter of referring to his new wife by his ex-girfriend's name which was unfairly similar, remarking on the 'roominess' of the wedding dress, pointing out that his second (oh yes) child was too young to be there on the wedding night because he might get a black eye, and many more.

I'm afraid I was very, very drunk.

She still doesn't speak to me. I dare not say anything to her in case I start another war.

Leg-iron said...

Banned - my bet is that nothing will happen but as George said, there will be a 'foiled plot stopped by the forces of arsesitting and making stuff up'.

People believe anything. I have fun with that.

Leg-iron said...

Subrosa - Malt yes, watching a televised posh wedding, no.

I'll just drink and write something about Satan turning up on a wedding night and making us all pay for it.

Leg-iron said...

Anon- dream on, as the Scottish independence lot do. There will be no breakup, just a change into EU regions.

While we are in the EU, independence is as much of a pipe dream as free speech and individual choice.

You're railing against the wrong enemy.

Leg-iron said...

F***W*T TW****R - It's big enough to be a city. When I can smoke in it it'll be one worth visiting again.

Dave H said...

A few years ago, I was wondering if there was any kind of terrorist act that really would cause things to kick off here, I mean mass reprisal attacks, that kind of thing. I'm fairly sure blowing up Canterbury Cathedral, even with (or, better, especially with) Rowan Williams inside wouldn't anything like do it. Blowing up Parliament's obviously a no-brainer. Too many would enjoy it (reminds me of the time the IRA targeted railway infrastructure in order to 'throw Britain's rail network into chaos' -stop it please, Gerry, we're feeling pain, but only from laughing too much).

Then, after Mrs Battenberg awarded Salman Rushdie a knighthood, there were rumours (not more, so far as I'm aware) of an Islamist plot to blow her up. The simple trick was to use a bomb so huge it would cause devastatation right through any level of HRH's personal protection. It was going to be something like an outside broadcast van packed with explosives.

I reckon that'd do it, and I'm hardly an ardent monarchist either.

BTW You mention that silly twerp Prince Charles. His accusing AGW sceptics of 'denying science' was another timeless moment. That's the same Prince Charles that strongly supports homeopathy, right? He presumably reasons that reducing CO2 concentrations to near-zero would make it have more effect.

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