Wednesday, 20 April 2011

Achtung! Rauchen!

That fire on the M1 motorway has been shown to be the result of arson. However, this does not stop the Daily ZeigHeil and (via ManWiddicombe), The Hitlergraph, suggesting that it was ze eeevil Zionist smokers vot done it. No surprises there. Nazis always seek to blame every unpleasant event on their scapegoat of choice, and the simpletons they use as drones turn hysterical right on cue. Sod Godwin. The Nazi parallel is now so blatant it's not worth even trying to work around it any more.

I suppose Zionist doesn't work as a collective group for smokers. Ze eevil Rollists? Aha, I have it, we are all part of the Tobbaconist Conspiracy.

So, a cigarette end with a tiny amount of combustible material left in it is thrown from a car. These few milligrams of remaining leaf enter a slipstream which should pull them behind the vehicle and accelerate the rate of burning until the little bit that's left is consumed in seconds. Instead, a smoker is now able to eject a cigarette end with such force that it escapes the vehicle's slipstream and crosses the hard shoulder, climbs the barriers and abseils into a scrapyard. Magically, it still hasn't burned its last few milligrams of material yet, and it can now burn so intensely that it penetrates the steel casing of a gas cylinder.

Wow. We smokers could teach Merlin a thing or two about magic. All the antismokers will believe it absolutely, naturally, because they have the collective IQ of a bleached coral reef and an utter inability to see beyond their own nasty little prejudices.

Those old witchdoctors who put curses on people made use of much the same level of gullibility. They could actually convince someone of their powers to the point where the victim would fall ill and even die as directed. The antismoking agenda has given smokers the same shamanic power. Why not use it? It's not as if we'd be harming anyone pleasant and in fact, we won't be harming anyone at all. They'll harm themselves, all we do is make suggestions.

That's not their plan, of course. Their plan is to ban smoking in cars and this little bit of indoctrination is too good to pass up. Remember, if you're voting next month, all the main parties will support the ban on smoking in cars. All of them will hand me even stronger powers to convince passing antismokers that they won't last the week. The first death from psychosomatic lung disease is only a matter of time. Me? CCTV will show I didn't lay a finger on them. No fingerprints and no DNA. Just words, and those are lost in the wind.

You don't think people are stupid enough to die from psychosomatic emphysema? Look here and here for a start. There are plenty more. See how the groundwork is done for you? All you need now is a convincing manner and you can hear the creak as their chests tighten. No wooden mask or rattling stick required. You don't even need to be smoking at the time, you don't even need to be identified as a smoker. They will believe it because they want to believe it.

Look at those comments under the Mail article. They've only read the headline and already, the word is spreading that an eeevil smoker did this terrible thing. No matter that it has now been determined to be deliberate arson. No matter who is caught and convicted of this, no matter how high-profile the case, this is going to be cited time and time again as a Sin of Smoking. It's a new King's Cross, a new Roy Castle. On the basis of this non-smoking-related event, smoking will be banned in cars. The drones will be delighted to call the snitchline from their mobile phones while driving. And then they'll get fined too.

And then they'll move on to smokers' homes.

It's not about protecting nonsmokers' health. It never was, because there was never any risk to nonsmokers' health. All the antismoking Nazis did was play on a dislike of the smell. There is nothing else. They worked up the guillible into a frenzy last seen in 1930's Germany and not one of these morons can see that. Now they will seize on any excuse to bash a smoker.

When the badges come in (already mooted as 'smoking licences'), the indoctrinated mindless will be right up there cheering it on. They'll cheer the trucks taking smokers to the camps, they'll elbow each other out of the way to be first to turn on the gas chambers and the furnaces, and still they will not see the parallel. Smokers scare them because they believe smokers are the cause of all evil in the world.

Okay, they want to be scared, let's scare them. To death.

I'm not kidding here. These people genuinely want us dead and they are getting closer and closer to the day when it will happen. It's not a game any more.

It's us or them now.

Fortunately, they are not very bright.


Anonymous said...

And we're killing off the fish as well it seems.

Leg-iron said...

I see the drones are commenting there already.

Not one has noticed that 'cigarettes are beginning to kill fish' now that smoking rates are around a quarter of what they were in the 1960s, when it didn't affect fish at all.

No, they are mindless and worthless. Still, I can use this reference to convince them that nicotine in fish is far more dangerous than mercury and that they will die within days from eating sushi. So I will.

Leg-iron said...

Yes, I know they are 'just children' but to me, these are future camp guards. These are the ones who will grow up to shoot me in the head and dump me in the mass graves shaped like ashtrays.

So I'll show no mercy. They want 'scared', they can have 'scared'.

Frank Davis said...

A couple of years ago, I spent an afternoon lighting roll-ups and tossing them into saucers of petrol.

I never managed to set the petrol alight once.

I think the cigarette 'fire hazard' threat is just another lie - like all the rest.

George Speller said...

So it was Jewish smokers that burned down the Reichstag,eh!

PT Barnum said...

I don't think they will toss our gassed corpses into ovens - imagine the 4th-5th-11ty-9th smoke we'd give off. Enough to kill the planet....

Have we been blamed for AGW yet?

BrianB said...

"Have we been blamed for AGW yet?"

You betcha!...

"The smoke from cigarettes also contains greenhouse gases. Cigarette smoke contains carbon dioxide and methane. Smoking worldwide releases about 2.6 billion kilograms of carbon dioxide in the air every year. It also releases about 5.2 billion kilograms of methane every year. Tobacco growing, curing, and smoking all add to the greenhouse effect and global warming."

...and that's without taking cremation into account!

smokervoter said...

"Remember, if you're voting next month, all the main parties will support the ban on smoking in cars."

Just think. You can alter this outcome by adjusting the placement of an "X" by a mere 0.64 centimeters.

sixtypoundsaweekcleaner said...

The BBC the other day was reporting that diet during pregnancy can even change a baby's DNA. Oh, and the obese are more likely to miscarry or have a stillborn.

sixtypoundsaweekcleaner said...

wv: faten

I kid you not!

andy5759 said...

First they came for the smokers, I did nothing because I am not a smoker. Then they came for the meat eaters, I did nothing because I am not a smoker. Then they finally came for me, nobody did anything because there was nobody left.

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