Questions, questions.

Just opened Blogger's spam-cage again. I can't work out its criteria for defining spam, sometimes it just takes a dislike to a comment and locks it up.

I haven't taken the census form out of the envelope yet. There was something much more important in today's mail. A letter from those nice people at Reader's Digest telling me I could win pots of money by spending some. I knew it was coming because they always send me a little letter a week or so before, to tell me they are sending a bigger letter later. Perhaps they worry that my letterbox won't be big enough so they send a early warning so I can get it enlarged. If they stopped all the letters, and once a year sent me half of what they would have spent on postage and printing, we'd both be better off.

Reader's Digest letters get a simple treatment. If there is a 'No' envelope included, I'm interested. If not, it's chimenea starter material. I don't read the advertisements at all, they go straight in the kindling bag. Then I consider whether it's worth risking the price of a stamp for the extraordinarily slim chance of winning some money. Sometimes I go for it, sometimes not. I suspect it doesn't really affect my chances either way.

What always baffles me is that the draw has always already taken place. So if I've won, they already know. If they told me I'd won I'd buy the books.

I decided to chance the stamp on this one. It's cheaper than the lottery.

Sooner or later I'll have to look at that census. SadbutMadLad provides a helpful rundown of the questions and answers on Anna Raccoon's site. My answers will differ slightly.

P17 Does anyone know the Welsh for 'No, I don't speak a word of Welsh'?

P20 Religion - smoker. They were okay with Jedi last time, which is entirely based on fiction. Smoker is at least based on real life and therefore is more realistic as a religion than Jedi. Especially as Jedi only appear in films, and smoking only appears in real life.

P34 I don't have a job title. I'm the only one in this business, in fact the only one in both businesses now that the writing has become real work. The nearest I've ever come up with is 'Rogue scientist' so that will have to do. Perhaps 'Fictional rogue scientist' to cover both the research and the writing. Now I come to think of it, that's one step away from just writing 'Dr. Frankenstein'. Oh, that's tempting.

P37 Main activity of the business? To generate money for booze and fags. What other activity could possibly matter?

Some of the others will be difficult.

P3 Date of birth. If I fill this in, I will be repeating hearsay. Other people have told me when I was born but I was too young to remember. So answering this question is risky since I cannot personally attest to its accuracy. Perhaps I should tell them to ask my mother. I'm fairly sure she was there.

Q9 Number of rooms. I can fit into the cupboard under the stairs so is that a room? How about the attic? I have a garage with no car so it's just a room with a very big door. My lounge and dining room are continuous - is that one room or two? Built-in wardrobes could be considered a room within a room, as could a very large box. My garden has chairs and tables in it, does that count as a room? How about the shed and the greenhouse? There is an inner door inside the front door, does the space between them count as a separate room? Do hallways count? Since I am at a different level on every stair, does each stair count as a room or should I include the staircase as one room? I feel the urge to torment an official by telephone coming on.

You know, I think this census could be fun. I'll smoke while filling it in so there might - just might - be a bit of ash in between the pages.

Tomorrow I'll take it out of the envelope and let it saturate with third hand smoke.