Thursday 3 March 2011

Gardening with Intent.

A long time ago, while boozing in the dockside pubs in Cardiff, one of our drunken ensemble met a dreadlocked guy in the gents. When we arrived at the den of iniquity we referred to as 'the flat', he revealed that he had bought a little paper bag full of grass.

We rolled it up and lit it. He had, indeed, bought a bag of grass. As in lawn.

What could he do? Complain that he had been ripped off? The guy offered him a bag of grass and that's what he got. Report the guy for selling illegal drugs? Grass is neither illegal nor a drug. No, he had bought exactly what was on offer, it wasn't Dreadlock's problem that he was dim enough to pay over the odds for a bag of the stuff that grows between the paving slabs.

This never happened when we bought tobacco at the local shop. We bought a consistent product at a price that was high but not yet vindictive and we could smoke it in the pub too. The difference? It's the same as the difference now. Tobacco is regulated, dodgy drugs are not.

Heroin is cut with cheap crap, sometimes with dangerous cheap crap like Vim or whatever cheap white powder is available. There's no regulation. You take your chances. This doesn't happen with tobacco. You won't find it cut with nettles or dockleaves or deadly nightshade. So far, the criminals can make plenty of profit selling stuff bought legally in the EU at prices that undercut UK prices. It's branded, it's sealed, it's the same stuff you get here.

During prohibition in the USA, criminals made booze from industrial alcohol. The government responded by poisoning the industrial alcohol but the criminals didn't care. They sold it anyway and thousands died. This doesn't happen with tobacco. The government does not have access to it to poison it.

As the tobacco bans increase, more and more criminals will be involved in selling the hooky stuff. There will be competition and they will start selling zip-lock bags of 'loose tobacco' which might be cut with dried banana skins or with traffic-fume-infused dandelions collected from the roadside. The government might respond by spraying the roadside dandelions with poison. The criminals won't care.

The antismoking lunacy is not going to go away. I am normally against huge cuts in policing at a time when criminality is rife, but then I read something like this and think 'Go for it, loony woman! Slash that waste!' I mean, how do they expect to get support from the general public when we're obviously just cash cows to them? If the police are going to treat smokers like 1930's German Jews, I say cut them all. They won't come to my house if I'm burgled in case of third hand smoke and they won't help me if I'm set upon by antismokers so they are of no use to me at all. Shut the whole damn force down. I have to look after myself anyway and it won't be made any harder by removing one set of people I have to defend myself against.

There is more than one reason for growing my own tobacco. There is the risk that the increasing controls will turn Man with a Van into a 'proper' criminal who doesn't care what he's selling. I don't want to smoke tobacco cut with carpet clippings and compost. Then there is the utter contempt shown to smokers by those whose incomes depend on the extra revenue smokers pay. In that, I include the EU unelected creatures because they always get their cut, no matter where in the EU we buy it. Buying from Man with a Van means sticking two fingers up to the Cameroid and 'What? Did something happen? What?' Clegg but the EU get theirs all the same.

There is the attitude of the antismokers. All smokers are stupid and smelly and want to give their children cancer. Then they drive off in their ten-miles-to-the-gallon megacars that look like something that would be useful in Afghanistan. Their kids can breathe those fumes because diesel and petrol particulates have anti-cancer properties. Didn't you know, antismokers? The government is keeping that information from you to make you drive a Prius instead. A daily suck on your SUV exhaust and you'll live forever.

There is this comment from Stewart on a previous post:

Former Lord Provost of Glasgow, Michael Kelly (he of "Glasgow's Miles Better" fame) left a comment on my Facebook page last night - "stop defending smokers' rights. They have none."

With rights come responsibilities. If I have no rights then I have no responsibilities. If I witness a crime I have no responsibility to report it. I saw nothing. I will carry no donor card because I have no responsibility for the well being of others. If I see a child mown down on the road I have no responsibility to call an ambulance. If I am called for jury service I will press for a not guilty verdict even if I am faced with the spawn of Charles Manson and Myra Hindley and video evidence of every crime they are charged with, and they confess to it all. I have no responsibility to the law.

The antismokers will be furious. How dare I refuse to participate in the society they have excluded me from? I can't go to pubs, I can't have a coffee and a smoke in any cafe or restaurant. I can't even smoke on a railway platform in case it interferes with the life-giving properties of those diesel fumes, and the dust from a 40-wagon rake of passing coal trucks. Antismokers call for the deaths of smokers openly and with no response at all from the law and yet smokers must respect the law and aid it in any way they can. Antismokers can sneer at and spit on smokers and when they need help, smokers must rush to their aid. Antismokers can deny employment and housing to smokers and yet smokers are expected to pay UK duty on top of all the other taxes because the NHS, which won't treat smokers, needs the money to treat those who despise us.

No. I am either in or out of society. It's your choice and you cannot have it both ways. All or nothing. You have made your choice, antismokers. All I am doing is complying with that choice - and isn't compliance what you want most of all? So what's the problem?

I help out the antismokers by writing 'Handled by Smokers' on every cash note that passes through my hands so they can refuse to accept it at the tills or the bank or the cash machine. On coins, they'll just have to guess. Perhaps sniffing them would help. I help them close the pubs, clubs, cafes and restaurants and certain shops and businesses by refusing to spend money in any place that has made it clear I am not welcome. I give nothing to charities in case they help an antismoker with third-hand-smoke tainted money. I encourage them to breathe deeply of the perfumed air on every high street in the land. The deeper the breath, the deeper those live-giving diesel particulates go. I am being a good guy, I am doing what the antismokers expect of me. I am complying with the image they have designed for me, I am fitting myself into their mould. What more do they want?

They want me to donate my organs? Why? They are smokers' organs, nobody wants them. They want me to help out if I witness a crime? Why? Smokers are stupid, remember? My word means nothing in court. They want me to help someone I see in distress? What, and risk getting sued for exposing them to third hand smoke? No, no, no, this won't work at all. No, the only option is to completely isolate myself from antismokers. Pay no tobacco duty because it's tainted smoker money. Write on every note to warn them I've touched it. When I next send old clothes to the charity shops, each will be indelibly marked as 'smoker clothing' and the same will be noted in books and anything else donated anywhere. It's only fair.

When I go to vote, I will go early. You'll need to ask the poll office staff which cubicle the smokers used so you don't touch the same pencil those nicotine-infused fingers handled. The staff might respond to this by designating a cubicle 'for smokers'. Just to make the game interesting, if they should ask me if I smoke I will say 'no'. Since I can't smoke in there I will not be smoking so 'no' is the correct answer.

Soon we will have the Scottish parliament elections. I am in Oily Al's constituency. He will win, that's a given, but every vote I can take from him, I will take. His campaign literature says a lot about 'helping small businesses'. I will talk to publicans, restauranteurs, cafe owners and clubs. I will give them posters if they want them. I will strike up conversations with those outside the pubs, especially when it's raining. I will give them small posters, cards and leaflets. These can be made very quickly and cheaply.

The other candidates need not feel too smug. You'll all have your own posters and leaflets because you all want the same thing. You want me excluded from society.

Well, I am. I'm growing my own so you need never again fear the taint of smoker's money in your quangos and your bin police and your 'we only treat the healthy' NHS. I'm sure you'll make growing it illegal but tobacco is nowhere near as distinctive as cannabis. You will find yourselves reporting people who are growing sprouts. I'm sure they won't mind. If you ask me, I'll tell you it's sprouts anyway and you won't know the difference.

Next I will be brewing my own booze. Before that poisoned alcohol hits the streets again.

Enjoy your society, antismokers. I'm not in it any more, I will do nothing to help it and I won't pay for it.

It's all yours.


Anonymous said...

Well said sir.

Anonymous said...

Home brewing going fine here and I've planted my first Virginia Gold last week indoors.
I was listening to a London based talk radio show over night about the smoking bans.
A lot of angry people out there and all calling for smoking pubs.
Plus the usual oik complaining about sitting in a beer garden with his chiiiiiildren and the nasty fumes wafting over. Bless him, take your poxy kids home.

banned said...

Saw a monster anti-smoking roadside billboard yesterday. I didn't pay it much attention, obviously, but the gist of it's gruesome picture and message was "Rolling Tobacco leads to amputation of limbs, be aware SmokeFree SouthWest NHS" so clearly they still have money to burn.

Anonymous said...

I first read your comment, banned, as beware SmokeFree....

Much more fitting.


Harri said...


Here is Slovakia, the EU smoking ban in all public places was 'enforced' last year .. it lasted two weeks !

The EU were basicaly told to fuck off.

Anonymous said...

Well said. I ripped up the organ donor card I had carried for 35 years and cancelled my monthly donation to CRUK. I will never give blood.
Reigion on census form: Tobacco smoker.

Anonymous said...

I donate good stuff to the local animal charity.
I know that it is good as I select it very carefully, before shoplifting it from CRUK or BHF.

smokervoter said...

A friend of mine gave me a sack tobacco seeds to plant. I was surprised at how dinky they are. According to him the best way to broadcast them into the soil is to put them into a small watering can, shake it and then pour the mixture into the furrows.

Anonymous said...

Here's a nice link Leggy :)

Amusing Bunni said...

Thats a funny story, LI. You would think the guy would have opened the bag to see what kind of "grass" he was buying. He must have been pretty drunk or something.

It's good to learn how to brew your own booze.
I just drink wine & beer now and then, and as long as I can buy it cheap at aldi's or trader joes, I"ll hold off on the do it yourself stuff, I've got enough to keep me busy around here.

I wouldn't donate to any stupid charity, esp. those anti smoking kinds. I only like charities that help homeless dogs and cats.

Anonymous said...

As ever a brilliant piece of word-smithying. Why is so much of modern life based on bullshit? Second hand smoke. Climate change -- man made variety.
I know they count for nothing to the scum in Westminster but thousands of old folk have had their lives made a little less bearable by the smoking ban as it affects bingo halls. And for what? It really pisses me off.

It's restaurateur by the way.

Anonymous said...

Since the smoking ban came in I have never bought either tobacco or cigarettes in this country. If they want to treat me as second class I won't pay their taxes. I never go to pubs now except in the summer when I can sit outside. There is no reason why we could not have had smoking pubs and private clubs. I still can't believe they got away with it. Fortunately I live where I can pop over to Brussels cheaply and that's what I do. Even my non smoking son says the pubs have lost all their atmosphere and rarely goes now.

Anonymous said...

Over the last few years I’ve gone from regarding our police force as a vital group of people doing a very difficult job under, often, very difficult or harrowing situations to regarding them as simply a useful wing of whatever governing political party we have, whose remit is pretty much just to further the political ideals of that party. They mainly do this by haranguing and harassing usually law-abiding and generally peace-keeping citizens for minor infringements of countless petty rules and regulations (such as the Essex story illustrates) and only going after people for serious crimes when they threaten “important” people (like MP’s or visiting dignitaries) or “important” establishments (like banks or HMRC).

Regardless of what their “policy statements” might say, the vast majority of the people of this country aren’t regarded as worthy of their protection or of their active involvement if we are unfortunate enough to be the victim of a crime. Instead, we’re just seen as a bunch of nuisances whom they’d really prefer to just shut up and stop moaning about our silly little problems. I know there are a few exceptions to this rule, but I think that they are very, very few indeed. The majority of coppers, quite simply just want to strut about the place like glorified shopping-centre security guards, feeling important and barking orders at passers-by just for “looking at them funny.”

So – more “bobbies on the beat?” (God, how I hate that hackneyed and twee phrase - trotted out with monotonous regularity by middle-Englanders as the answer to all the crime problems in the country). No thanks. Let’s have fewer “bobbies on the beat” and, for that matter, fewer “bobbies on the road” or “bobbies at the Station.” Hamstrung as they are today by both those in political power and the “wrong sort of copper” within their own ranks, to be honest, we’d do a better job of keeping the peace and maintaining law and order by ourselves. Seriously nasty, violent criminals would, of course, continue to commit terrible acts against other individuals and they'd get away with it, but then they do that with a police force in operation, don't they, so what's the difference?

So these cuts shouldn’t make any of us shed any tears or become worried that the country will descend into anarchy. To be quite candid, most of us simply won’t notice any difference at all.

Anonymous said...

"There is no reason why we could not have had smoking pubs and private clubs"

I am afraid there is.
We are undergoing a process of social engineering, signed up to and put into law by the previous government.


"However, internationally, the term is also used to encompass efforts challenging notions that smoking ought to be regarded as routine or normal, particularly in public settings.

Hammond et al state that “social denormalisation” strategies seek “to change the broad social norms around using tobacco—to push tobacco use out of the charmed circle of normal, desirable practice to being an abnormal practice”.

English Pensioner said...

Personally, I believe people should be allowed to take any drugs they like, provided they don't expect the rest of us to "pick up the pieces".
I would sell "grass", heroin, et the pharmacists, neatly packed tablet in the usual bubble packs, accompanied by the mandatory leaflet warning of all the side-effects. These leaflets usually put me off taking pills prescribed by the doctor and if anyone takes the drugs its their look out. At least they'd get consistent quality!
It would bring in revenue, put the pushers off the streets, and would stop parents moaning that "if only my darling had known it was dangerous, she wouldn't have taken it".
Sorry, I have no sympathy for these people, and I broadly take the same attitude towards smokers, "there are risks in smoking, if you do so, its up to you".

banned said...

@Harri, good for you and Slovakia, what did the Czechs do?

Anonymous said...

"I wouldn't donate to any stupid charity, esp. those anti smoking kinds. I only like charities that help homeless dogs and cats."

Keep an eye on them, too, though Bunni. Not so long ago the PDSA (I think, but I'm not absolutely certain - you might need to check before you donate!) announced that they wouldn't re-home abandoned animals to homes with smokers in. But most of the animal ones seem to be OK at the moment and not jumping on any political bandwagons. Except the RSPCA, of course, who have long been more interested in the cash and the prestige than they have in the animals.

Thatching said...

Funny experience, lol

Leg-iron said...

It was indeed PDSA who declared smokers evil. I used to donate and buy regularly at the local branch, but no more. They've gone quiet about it now but too late, the damage is done and they have made no attempt to undo it.

Leg-iron said...

Smokervoter - a sack full? I have a small envelope of seeds and that's enough to plant a field!

I'm told the best way to sow such tiny seeds is to mix them with fine sand and spread the mix. They can take some time to germinate so patience and regular watering are required.

I'm starting mine indoors this week. Outside is still prone to snap-frosts at this time of year, and sometimes it can get cold enough that even the greenhouse won't do. They'll move to the greenhouse when I'm sure it's safe, then some will go into a greenhouse growbag and I'll risk a few more in the garden.

With a bit of luck it'll be a good summer for a change.

Harri said...

banned said...
@Harri, good for you and Slovakia, what did the Czechs do?

4 March 2011 00:17

Exactly the same ?

I believe it only lasted about the same amount of time too ..

Fuck the EU, and all there 'Bans '

Make absolutley no mistake about it, this is everything to do with the Soviet EU, its just that as LI mentions, in the former Great Britain Soviet republic of Brussels, there is a monopoly of 'righteous' .. the righteous are just very modern updated versions of the nazi brownshirts ..

They would not last five minutes here, far too many spare lamposts, and far too many people who would actualy lead them to that ( i would get a front row seat and have a smoke, watching the righteous halfwits wriggle )lampost.. the Mafia are just one group whom spring to mind, see, the Mafia own or control most of the pubs and clubs .. so ' no smoking' means no customers, which means no money .. i cant see the police, the State droids or any righteous arguing with them.

Oh joy it would be to see the Dreadfull Arnott sent here to try and enforce the EU smoking ban?

Anonymous said...

Ha! That story reminds me of a guy I knew in the 60s - not the brightest star in the firmament, he managed to score an ounce of oregano THREE times in Picadilly Circus! Even when I told him he'd get ripped, he insisted on going there to score. Glutton for punishment...

@Hari, you know something interesting about the EU headquarters in Brussels? You can smoke inside the building. And I'm not sure about now, but certainly very recently the only bars where you were allowed to smoke in the UK were located inside the Houses of Parliament. You see, the PTB only make the rules for us plebians. Those rules don't apply to the great and the good.

Harri said...

nisakiman said...
" You see, the PTB only make the rules for us plebians. Those rules don't apply to the great and the good."

The 'rules' only apply, to those who wish to abide by them !

It's as simple as that.

The empathy in the former Great Britain, is now at biblical proportions .. ' Musn't grumble' and all that, look here in Eastern Europe, just about everything, ie: bars, clubs, brothels, etc etc, is controlled by the Mafia, in conjunction with the police, the military, and most of the corrupt politicians, and that includes the last useless Prime monster
Robert Fico, and now i do believe, we have yet another useless Prime monster, in the form of 'Iveta Radičová 'so, any so called 'smoking ban' directly effects profits, forget the draconian stoneage Soviet style EU control over smokers, having to satnd outside to have a smoke, that matters not one jot to the ruling elite, but when it affects thier corrupt cash flow1 .. well you can guess the rest of it.

You see, here in Eastern Europe, we have lived the Soviet communist totalitarian dream .. and it aint pretty, and we can spot the danger signs a mile away.

The irony of it all, is so obviously wasted here .. end of Soviet rule .. and then they join the EU ?

One more thing " It will start in the Balkans and end in the Balkans "

It always does.

You have more chance here, of going to the pub, and seeing a non-smoking righteous standing outside in the wind, rain, and the snow, to get some 'Fresh air' !

Liberation, it's great, Great Britain should try it some time!

George Speller said...

Anon said "Home brewing going fine here and I've planted my first Virginia Gold last week indoors."

Me too!

Leg-iron said...

Banned - Rolling tobacco is good finger exercise. I know two with severe arthritis who swear by it.

Being nasty to smokers can lead to loss of limbs. Or in some cases, loss of mind ;)

Harri said...

The empathy in the former Great Britain, ?

How about 'Apathy'

I will put that one down to the vodka.

Smokes are only an average of £1.90 for a 20 pack too, the EU tried to 'force' the government to double the price ..they told the EU basicaly fuck off too.

There is an English newspaper here called 'The Spectator' it's available on the intermong, there you will find weekly columns, where some EU borg like nazi droid, is whinging and whining like an old bitch, because Slovakian 'authorities have, and still are, ignoring over 90% of all EU ' Orders & Diktats'

EU MEP's here, tend to try thier best to keep a low profile, and not advertise thier EU credentials ..'its not worth the risk for them .. far too many people with far less money in thier pockets since joining the Nazi inspired EU, and those people are starting to realise they have been had, hook,line and sinker, i would not want to be one of those MEP's when it all kicks off, wanting to 'ban smoking in public places' is going to be the least of the EU's problems.

Fuck em.

SadButMadLad said...

Nice rant underdog.

Says a lot about why the state shouldn't control things. Either it has to control everything (which it can never do) or do nothing. Any half way house of controlling one thing but not another just leads to disaster as special interst groups do their best to get their pet hate as the one to control whilst allowing their pet love.

Tobacco needs just over 100 days of frost free growing.

Some tips here -

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