Saturday, 19 December 2009

Treetime, and Tillfinger.

I have begun the Christmas stuff. The tree is assembled. It's a little one, four foot, because I'm not a druid so it really doesn't mean all that much to me. It's black because the very mention of that word could cause an anuerism in a Righteous head and I keep trying because everyone should have a hobby.

It's artificial, made of petroleum products, because I am not going to kill a tree, haul it indoors and humiliate its corpse by dressing it up in drag. A politician, yes. A tree, no.

I need more decorations. Still working on a decent intestinal simulation. The decorations so far are economy ones. You can get them for free if you call in at any sitting MP's office and ask to look in the till. They always have a few fingers in there. Which gives me an idea concerning Shirley Bassey (no, not that one. I had that idea many years ago and several times since).

This idea (although the other one was pretty good, as the picture reminds me).

Tillfinger. The MP
MP with expenses trough
A porcine trough.
Oh that Tillfinger
Laughs at you from deep in the pig swill bin.
You can't go in.

Spinning words he will squeal in your ear
But his lies, full of control and fear
Are all tax generating for you, sir
Pay to be spat on by MP Tillfinger.
Taxpayer, beware of the second homes.
And porno films.

(There's not much more to this song it seems, other than 'he loves only cash'. It was fun while it lasted.)

For those to young to remember the film, here's the theme. It also contains one of my favourite ever lines.

Bond: 'So, Goldfinger, you expect me to talk?'

Goldfinger: 'No, Mister Bond. I expect you to die'.

Classic stuff. Really puts me in the Christmas mood.


MTG said...

I finally bought a Christmas Tree this year - but there is every chance it may remain in the box, Legfe.

Bond: FO
Goldfinger: Two words you may have overheard, which cannot have the slightest significance to you or anyone in your organization.

13th Spitfire said...

Why did you switch template and host?

The old one was much better.

Love 13th

Dave H said...

The Drax comments are my favourites:

"James Bond, you appear with the tedious inevitability of an unloved season."


(Just before ordering her to be thrown out of the airlock)

"And the treacherous Dr Goodhead, your desire to be America's first woman in space will shortly be realised"

The film was shit though.

BTW I don't look forward to Xmas at all. It's a period when I have to remain sober.

Unknown said...

What about the fairy LI? Surely you can find a doll in the figure of Iain Dale to adorn that lovely tree of yours. (Sorry Iain, just couldn't resist as you are very good at playing the "victimhood" game.)

Leg-iron said...

MTG - stand the box in the corner and stick some tinsel on top. You have to ease yourself into this Christmas thing. It's best not to go overboard on the first try.

13th - this one allows much more control over the template. Look out for future fiddling (and no doubt an occasional disaster!).

Dave H - Sober? All Christmas? Isn't that illegal?

Big Yin - I've been looking for a suitable politician to have a tree rammed up his/her backside. Perhaps a Ken doll with a Tony Blair mask, if it can be done in time.

Chief_Sceptic said...


I always buy a real (pagan) tree and then delight in sawing it into fresh resiny sections for use in one of my wood-burning stoves, at New Year ...

The local 'kommune' (council) officially forbid the burning of fresh pine etc. (pollution caused by the natural turpentine etc.) - which just makes all the more satisfying ...

And you get a tremendous heat and a wonderful smell, into the bargain !!! ...

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