Monday, 14 December 2009

Why didn't I think of this before?

I've just placed a stocking-up order for Electrofag juice. I prefer the 'high' strength (18 mg). I suspect the 'super' (36 mg) is mainly for the dedicated Capstan smoker. 18 mg works for me.

However, whether you buy low, medium, high, super or zero nicotine bottles, the price is the same. So you can cut Electrofag running costs in half by buying the super strength along with a bottle of propylene glycol and diluting it.

Here's the latest order:

10ML Totally Wicked Electric Cigarette E-Liquid 36mg-Super High Cigar flavour £5.59
30ML Totally Wicked Electronic Cigarette E-Liquid 36mg-Super High Virginia flavour £16.09
Propylene Glycol. Pharmacopoeia-Grade 50ml £2.79

Postage and package (UK) £1.99 Total: £26.46

I couldn't add it to yesterday's order because that's already been despatched. On normal form, that order would be here tomorrow but the Christmas post could delay it.

In effect, I'll have 80 ml of smoky juice for a touch over the price of 40 ml and that's an awful lot of juice! You can get little bottles to do your own mixing at £1.18 for a pack of five. Since I own a lab, I have no shortage of all manner of little bottles anyway. I will, naturally, sterilise them first.

The flavour might be reduced. I don't know if that will be problematic with a 1:1 dilution but if it is, all I need do is buy some bottles of flavour and add a few drops. If you prefer medium or low strength, diluting to that extent might well mean you'd need to add a few drops of extra flavour but flavourings are £2.79 for 10 ml and you really don't want to add more than a few drops. It's seriously concentrated. One bottle will last a long time.

Note: These are the current sale prices, 30% reduced on normal. The sale ends at midnight on Dec 17th. Even then, it's not too expensive.

That amount of juice will last months. It'll need to, because I will now smoke Electrofag in preference to any tobacco that has 'UK duty paid' on it. I'm now determined never to buy a legal pack again and there might be times when supply is limited. During those times I will make extensive use of Electrofag.

Not one penny more, Chancellor. Not one. I will never buy legal tobacco until the whole of the ridiculous circus has stopped and I can smoke indoors without being criminalised again. Crank up that duty as far as you want. I'm not paying it.

I also plan to make a hell of a mess of your next census form, matey. I will lie to any pollster I meet with outrageous confidence, no matter what the subject. I will promise each and every canvasser that I will vote for them. No council official will ever get the same answer twice from me. I will put all bottles in the clear glass bin and all tins in the plastic bin. I know that when a car showroom takes a trade-in that's junk, they have to pay to scrap it and with a little persuasion, they'll sell it to me for £1 instead. I'll plonk it on the driveway, sell the engine and wheels and any other re-useable parts and fill out a SORN notice every year and that will continue when there's nothing left but rust. By the time you come to check I'll have a dozen or more SORN notices going in every year and there won't be a whole car to be found. I didn't notify scrapping because I didn't scrap them. The rusty shells will still be here.

Set up anonymous lines for snitches and I will phone them with a new random name and address every day. Every spanner I can drop in the works, I will do so. Why not? I'm a low-life. You Righteous have made me so, and charged me handsomely for it. Might as well enjoy myself.

Most of all, I intend to fill a few of the Electrofag tips with flavoured propylene glycol, no nicotine. I will encourage non-smokers to give it a go. It's not smoking, it's puffing on flavoured steam and you never know, it might catch on. They might even take up the real thing. You never know. Evil? I've already been branded so. Might as well live up to it.

No nicotine, Righteous. Nothing at all for you to blame. The only components are common food additives and a battery. Nothing you can legitimately charge duty on, Chancellor. Imagine what happens when you arrest someone for not smoking but for simply looking as if they are.

Stick that in your pipe and smoke it.


Gendeau said...

If you come up with any ideas for answers that are even better when multiple people use them (religion - jedi), please let us know.

I'm still tempted to become a male crocodile buggerer for the ten minutes it'll take to to fill in a questionnaire.

I guess that when you visit the crocodile house of ill repute and are asked to make your selection, the obvious line would be
"that one over there, and make it snappy"

Sorry, I'll get me coat

Giolla said...

"I will encourage non-smokers to give it a go. It's not smoking, it's puffing on flavoured steam and you never know, it might catch on."

As a non-smoker I'm already planning this. I'm fed up with spending half the evening on my own in the pub. So an e-fag, filled with coffee or absinthe and I'll be out in the cold with the smokers - but at least I'll get to talk to my friends.

Oh and I may have to have a quick puff of coffee on the tube/train under every no-smoking sign I see.

PT Barnum said...

My blood pressure rises when I even hear the word 'census' - it is the most brazen tool of authoritarian sheep herding and sticking their grubby digits in our private lives. 2011 is going to be (surprise, no) the most intrusive and unpleasant ever seen. Any properly organised campaign across the interweb to shaft this project would garner a lot of support...

Check out their final plans for 2011

Leg-iron said...

Gendeau - The only religion that has smoking as part of it is, as far as I know, Rastafarianism. Unfortunately it's not tobacco.

However, it might be possible to creat cannabis flavour without the actual drug component, but that probably wouldn't be acceptable.

Depends on hos the law is worded. As with the smoking ban, Electrofag is exempt because the ban refers to actual combustion. You have to be burning something to be smoking and Electrofag has no combustion.

So if the ban on cannabis refers to the whole leaf and actual combustion, using Electrofag to vapourise extracted cannabinoids wouldn't be illegal (at first).

I don't know how that law is worded though. The extract might be illegal too.

Crocodiles don't scare me. You just have to show them a handbag and give them a knowing wink and they soon get the idea.

Leg-iron said...

If your smoking friends get interested in Electrofag (and the landlord is one of the enlightened ones who understands the law) you could all soon be back inside.

I hadn't thought of it that way, but non-smokers using a nicotine-free Electrofag could be the most effective way to spread the idea.

Anti-smokers might even use it to persuade their smoking friends to switch to this inoffensive version, at least while they're around.


Leg-iron said...

PT Barnum -

Keep the lies subtle on the form. Nothing that could set red lights flashing on their computers. Just make sure you include yourself in as many special interest groups as possible.

PT Barnum said...

As regards the census, I note there is no mention of the sexuality question that was mooted recently. Still time, Mr Stasi, still time.

Subtle lies? Hmm. If one answered 'other' to every question and failed to specify what 'other' meant, would they send a clipboard with a retard attached to it?

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