Wednesday 23 December 2009

PC Christmas songs.

Christmas songs of the future will have to pass through the transformative equalisation of PC Newspeak, subject to official approval, checking, rechecking and future adjustment as and when required.

White Christmas, by Bingo McChrimbo.

First pass - the Diversity Office.


I'm dreaming of a censored Censored
(might offend coloured minorities and other religions)
Just like the ones I used to know
Where the treetops glisten,
and children listen
To hear sleigh bells in the snow

I'm dreaming of a censored Censored
With every Censored card I write
May your days be merry and bright
And may all your Censoreds be censored


Second pass - For the Cheeeldren Department.


I'm censored of a censored Censored
(dreaming can suggest nightmares)
Just like the ones I used to know
Where the censoreds glisten,
(talk of trees encourages hazardous tree climbing)
and censoreds censored
To censored censored in the snow
(mention of children will attract paedos: listen, hear and bells,
discriminates against deaf children)
(sleighs encourage hazardous speeding on slopes)

I'm censored of a censored Censored
With every Censored card censored
(discriminates against the illiterate)
May your days be censored censored
(discriminates against sad children)
And may all your Censoreds be censored


Third pass - Health Department


I'm censored of a censored Censored
Censored censored censored censored
(discriminates against those with poor memories)
Where the censoreds censored,
('glisten' discriminates against the blind)
and censoreds censored
To censored censored in censored
('snow' is offensive to those whose
grandparents
have died in unheated homes)

I'm censored of a censored Censored
With every Censored card censored
May your days be censored censored
And may all your Censoreds be censored


Final version approved for circulation to all licenced carol-singers, along with a reminder that any unlicenced carol-singers will be required to undertake re-education. Any carol-singer found singing an unapproved version at any time will have their licence and eyes withdrawn and will be rewired by an undertaker and re-ducttaped.

(Note by inspection clerk 22391: re-check original dictation on final notes)

(Note by inspection clerk 40126: rechecked and that's what it sounds like to me, innit?)



A little frivolity, but don't laugh too loud. It's the logical conclusion to what's happening in this country. We really aren't that far away from this now.

The scary part is, you can still sing it...

UPDATE: It's already begun.

10 comments:

Amusing Bunni said...

MERRY CHRISTMAS, Leg Iron, don't let the PC dolts stifle this last bit of free speech.

subrosa said...

Absolutely excellent and so near the bone. I'm not going to attempt to sing it, I'll cry.

Liana Brooks said...

Merry Christmas, Happy Yule, Festive Saturnalia, Cheerful Kawanza, Happy Chunuka, ect ect ect.

Whatever reason for skipping work this week, enjoy yourself :o)

sad britain said...

To see how deep we have sunk and how far we have to go to regain our freedom just read our taxpayer funded poet on the 12 days of Christmas. Here's one of her verses. The rest can be found on al ja beeba.

BOUGHT A MAGIC GOOSE FROM A JOLLY FARMER.
This goose laid Barack Obama.

I bought a magic goose from a friendly fellow.
This goose laid Fabio Capello.

I bought a magic goose from a maiden (comely).
This goose laid Joanna Lumley.

I bought a magic goose from a busker (poor).
This goose laid Anish Kapoor.

I bought a magic goose from a bargain bin, it
was the goose laid Alan Bennett.

I bought a poisoned goose from a crook (sick, whiffing).
This foul goose laid Nick Griffin.

banned said...

I admit to some concern when first reading this article noting that you initially saw fit to non-redact the un-words 'children' and 'merry'.

Here's wishing you a productive multi-culti inclusive celebrating diversity day Leg_Iron.

Leg-iron said...

Sad Britain - someone gets paid to write like that?

Who's their employer? I'd like a word.

sad britain said...

Well we pay for her legiron. But to be fair she is giving the money to charity.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/8027767.stm

sad britain said...

Although when I was at school in Scotland they were called the makar. Or storyteller. Might have changed since then.

Anonymous said...

Merry Christmas Leg Iron, and thanks for one of the best of Blogspots.
Don't forget to leave out a bottle of something old and peaty for Santa tonight and a cigar. He's got a long night and a lot of driving to do and he'll need something to fortify him.

RobT

Anonymous said...

Merry Christmas, everyone.

Jay

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