Money and smoke.

One of the great things about being on the line between Electrofag and real tobacco is nights like this. Nights when you thought you had enough tobacco to last until tomorrow but can't sleep. Too tired to go out looking for an all-night tobacco source but not tired enough to go to bed and with only a paltry wad in the tobacco pouch. I'll want a real one in the morning with my after-shower coffee and I really don't want an Albert Steptoe re-rolled dog-ends one. I had quite enough of those in my utterly penniless days. They are desperation personified.

I have loads of Electrofag juice and a good supply of charged batteries. I can't run out of at least some sort of smoking.

The Titan is great for experimentation but for general 'realistic' smoking with no messing about, the Njoy Pro Duo wins. I have one cartridge that is on its third recharged battery. The menthol part has long since expired but it's still smoking.

For the Titan, if you smoke rollups, I recommend the 'Virginia' flavour. That's closest (to my tastes anyway, everyone is different). For the Njoy there are a limited range of flavours. It is a basic smoking machine for those who just want to smoke. The Titan is for those who want more than just the 'normal' smoking experience, those who want to get into Twilight Zone smoking. Really, the makers of the Titan have much more to fear from ASH than the makers of the Njoy. With the Njoy, you get the taste of tobacco. With the Titan, you can get the smoking equivalent of alcopops. Strawberry flavour, nicotine free, ideal for cheeeldren. Don't give it to your children, Antisocial Services will go ballistic and have you forcibly sterilised and your lips sewn up.

The Titan makers were extraordinarily stupid to cosy up to ASH. They are ASH's worst nightmare come true and there they are saying 'Go on, slap us one'. Prats. The Njoy style Electrofag is less of a threat to ASH and yet they will have nothing to do with the Dreadful Arnott and her collective. You figure it out.

There is much talk of saving money by refilling cartridges. Really, if you are a smoker who uses Electrofag wholly or partially, there is no need to ever refill cartridges. You are already saving a lot of money.

I bought empty Titan cartridges and a range of flavoured juices because I wanted to try the weird stuff. Yes, it's cheaper than buying filled cartridges but then if you buy filled cartridges, it still costs you a load less than tobacco. Especially if you don't have a handy Man with a Van and have to pay UK prices.

With the Njoy, I've looked at the options for refilling cartridges but have come to the conclusion 'Why bother?' The odd flavours aren't available and if I want odd flavours I have the Titan.

Would buying both be extravagant? It would cost just shy of £100 to have both and while that sounds a hell of a lot, it's much less than twenty packs of readymades at UK prices. On a smoking budget, if you're paying UK prices, Electrofag is a drop in the ocean.

The cartridge I currently have on the Njoy is on its third rechargeable battery and still smoking. The menthol flavour is gone but it still smokes. I'm not desperate about the menthol, I just like it. I could try refilling it but why? It would save money but if I was so desperate to save money I wouldn't be smoking at all and I wouldn't be drinking good whisky either (actually, tonight, I'm not. I'm drinking Courvoisier and I'm past caring about the spelling). Fact is, even if I bought prefilled cartridges for both the Electrofags and never refilled at all, it's a hell of a lot cheaper than UK-price smoking and even rivals Man with a Van's prices.

Critics will say it's not the same as real smoking. It's not. It's something different. It's a new and interesting (to me) relaxation thing that is like, but not the same as, smoking. It's not for everyone. Smoking is not for everyone either. Some like it, some hate it. We could call it the Marmite Effect. Some people love it, some people hate it. Should we ban Marmite?

Both the Electrofags I have weigh about 15 grams. Far heavier than a normal cigarette and they feel wrong - but you do get used to that. Probably easier for a readymade smoker because they are the same size as readymades.

You can get used to them. Even when mixing them with real tobacco, as I do. Neither of those I have is the same as real smoking but I don't see it as a replacement. I see it as an optional extra, a new thing altogether, a different way to smoke. Yes, Electrofag has saved me money and on nights like tonight, it has saved me from the depressing 'I'm on short rations' feeling but saving money is not high on a smoker's agenda. If it was, they would all make more effort to find a Man with a Van and nobody would give a damn about the moves to hide tobacco displays because nobody would be buying it here anyway.

Note to the Righteous: There is an all-night garage two miles from here and an all-night Tesco even closer. If I was a true addict, wouldn't I rather drag myself there by my fingernails than 'make do' with smoker methadone?

Electrofag is not smoking. It's something new. Something different. Electrosmoking. I like it, others might or might not. I like it as well as, not instead of, tobacco smoking. Some prefer it. Some prefer tobacco. To me, that is not a problem. Do what you prefer should be the whole of the law (someone is going to spot that link) as long as it harms nobody else.

Smoking harms nobody else. The harm it does to the smoker is being increasingly questioned thanks to the Dreadful Arnott banging on about her monsters from the Id (now come on, you have to spot the link there. We are talking about a Shakespearean play developed for modern times).

Electrosmoking can't harm anyone at all. It just can't. Just accept it and call me Debbie if the drone mind insists. Seriously though, there really is nothing in Electrosmoke but flavour, nicotine (not always) and food grade thickener. it cannot hurt anyone and as for 'nicotine is poison', there is more nicotine in NHS-prescribed patches and gum than in Electrofag. Are doctors deliberately trying to kill us? Or are they, perhaps, lying? One or the other. Time to choose.


Money is an artificial construct. It does not actually matter at all. Going from full-smoker expense to save-money-by-refilling insistence is merely an artefact of the money illusion. The purpose of government is to collect as much of the illusory substance known as 'money' as they can. Have you heard lately how we all have to save the economy? When did the economy last save you? The politicians need us to believe that money is important and that 'saving' and 'lending' matter.

No, what matters to them are the numbers in their bank account. Nothing else.

Smokers must not add to those numbers. Nor should drinkers.

Find a Man with a Van. There is bound to be one nearby.

Soon he'll be selling Electrofag juice too.