HP RIP

Real life intrudes, and I am in the unpleasant parts of book completion. The downside of opting for self-publishing the short stories is that nobody's designing covers, editing or adding the fiddly bits for me. I won't be doing this with full novels. It would drive me nuts!

Still, I had to comment on the demise of HP Sauce, which has fallen to the Health Nazi demands for desalination. Even though it's just a sauce and not a meal. I will treasure my last bottle here because there will be no more of it. Here, by way of an epitaph, is Marty Feldman's tribute to a once-great sauce.



Since the company is no longer interested in the original secret recipe, perhaps they'd be willing to publish it online somewhere? It won't affect sales because they aren't using that recipe and there are those of us who won't buy their new messed-up sauce anyway.

Oh, and the reason? To save the NHS money, of course. Well, the antismokers will be delighted, since saving the NHS money is their main reason for existing. Therefore all antismokers must fully support this, surely?

Back to work for me. I think I'll break for a bacon sandwich later, with some of my remaining HP sauce.

This looks like Cameron's 'Free School Milk' moment to me.

Tobacco progress.

I've just tried my first smoke of dried flower-heads.

It's not what I'm used to at all. The smoke had a floral hint to it. I have to say it was very pleasant indeed and next year I'll pay far more attention to those flowers.

There is a hurricane allegedly on the way, it might hit the UK on Monday or it might not but this weekend, I think I'll pull whatever leaves are left anyway. Those tall plants suffer in high winds and if the hurricane does hit, they'll be ruined. Besides, the frosts aren't far away. It could be another nasty winter.

Drying - so far, some have dried correctly, some went mouldy and some have dried too far, too fast.

Get rid of mouldy ones as soon as you spot them. Mould will spread.

The overdry ones, I'm wondering if I can rehydrate those. Worth a try.

So, some leaves are now in little jars, some on their own, some with a dash of brandy poured over them. Others will get the quick-boil and redry treatment because that's the quickest way to get something smokeable. I expect it'll be rough but I managed to get used to Yugoslavian cigarettes once.

Air-curing might not work here, central heating doesn't leave much humidity in the air. Next year I'll make a humidity box.

I haven't yet tried my hand at cigars, I'll need more leaves for that.

This crop won't keep me in smokes for the whole year, mainly because I'm likely to ruin most of it by experimenting, but as I said before, I only need to get two ounces of smokeable stuff to cover the cost. Even if it's not great, I can mix it in with Amber Leaf and that'll save some cash.

Now I'm watching flower heads dry. I need enough for a pipe full this time.

War is Peace.

Peace Envoy Tony 'Ghoulgrin' Blair has been awarded a model of a headstone to commemorate the peace he has brought to the Middle East. Wasn't it one of John Wayne's lines - 'There ain't nothing as peacable as a dead man'?

Shortly afterwards, our Peace Envoy declares that Iran is being very naughty by not having a leader he approves of, and if they won't change their leader, he'll send the boys round to sort them out. Now, I am sure the Armani Dinnerjacket currently in charge is as mad as a bag of badgers, it's actually hard to think of a current world leader who isn't, but he is Someone Else's Problem. We have our own madmen to contend with. There are loads of Iranians in Iran, let them sort it out.

In fact, as foreign policies go, a response of 'Look, we have nutters of our own to deal with here, we don't have time to worry about yours,' if adopted by every country in the world, might save a lot of bullets.

This is the same Ghoulgrin who was pictured shaking hands with the Gadfly, remember. Some despots are fine, apparently - at least until they cease to be useful.

I have a sneaky suspicion the Tiny Blur thinks that war is peace.

Maybe he read it in a book somewhere...

100,000 voices.

We were told that any petition raising 100,000 signatures would be at least considered in Parliament.

Well, never mind the electrovotes, 100,000 real signatures have just been delivered to the Cameroid. My bet is he will ignore it.

Because he is weak and stupid enough to let Herman von Munster overrule his party, his government and his country.

The Clegg Party are useless, they drool at the prospect of being run by the Munster. The Moribund Party are too dim to see what is happening. There are a few MPs of various parties who do see what is happening but none of their leaders will listen to them any more than they listen to us.

We need to get out of the EU before Scotland gets independence because I have a nasty feeling Salmond would keep us in.

And then I'd have to go to all the trouble of moving house, and irritating a whole new set of neighbours.

Not to be outdone, Alcohol Control have one too.

I visited Treherbert once. Once was enough. It's nestled in a valley between sheer mountains so the sun rises at about 10 am in summer and it's gone by 3 pm. It's tiny and there is nothing to attract visitors. The only abundant natural resource is sheep shit.

So a local madman has been making paper out of it. He's doing well, too. Surprisingly well. Who would have thought there'd be any demand from paper made of shit? Well, it's ideal for writing to MPs, I suppose. Especially if you tell them it's edible rice-paper.

Oh, but the man's inventiveness goes beyond shitpaper, oh yes indeed. He built a still to make his own vodka. That didn't go so well. So he's blown up one of the few houses in Treherbert's only street.

One of the residents brings forth the Cheeldren, naturally...

Neighbour Susan Minty, 52, said: 'He was definitely old enough to know better - he's going to wake up with one hell of a hangover.
'It's crazy, you don't go making something like that in a terrance street especially when there's lots of kids about.

The name sounds familiar. She might have been at school with me. She's quoted so the misspelling of 'terraced' is down to the ineptitude of the journalist. As for her claim of 'lots of kids', well, go and have a look at Treherbert. There aren't very many people at all.

But crazy? The man makes paper out of sheep shit, and she considers a still 'crazy'? I would think that the still is one of the more mainstream things he's been doing in there.

What I found very interesting was the reaction of the police -

'It's not a criminal offence to brew your own alcohol for private use, unless it's being carried out without licence for commercial benefit.

Well, I knew that was true for beer and wine, but distillation? I had thought that was illegal full stop. When we had glass stills in labs, for producing distilled water, we had regular visits from the revenue men to sniff them in case we were making booze. It doesn't happen any more because we have reverse-osmosis for cleaning up the tap water for experiments and you can't make booze with those. Maybe it's different in Scotland?

There'll be a lot more of this amateur distillation happening, legal or not. That's all thanks to Darth Shenker and his merry band of evil bastards, backed up as usual by the BMA which used to be a medical institution but is now a political party you can't vote out.

So, ASH score one death today, the Shenkerites score one serious burning, and the BMA can claim credit for both.

They'll be partying tonight.


Incidentally, the local madman in question is pictured in front of something I remember well from my early youth in the 1960s. We had one of those fire/oven combos in our council house, and his looks original. I wouldn't mind having one of those now. Cooking without electricity or gas charges. Sounds good.

Smoking ban kills again.

The smoking ban has claimed another victim.

Why was he smoking on the roof? Well, there is no place to smoke indoors, and if he went down to the street he would have had to face the hand-waving fake-coughing Government-approved whiners.

This is not one of the pretend deaths claimed for SHS. The smoking ban has killed many more than SHS has ever done. Yet our government is quite happy to let this continue.

That's another notch on your score stick, ASH. Another glass raised at the next BMA conference too. You must all be very proud.

SNP : Gullible oafs.

Picked up this story via Freedom-2-Choose (Scotland). Pat Nurse has the imminent car ban in her sights too.

I hate driving. I can do it, Italian-style. I have a license which has remained untainted by points or endorsments since the day I earned it, my driving criminal history consists entirely of one (1) parking ticket which was my fault for not paying attention and I paid it the same day, so there is nothing - apart from the current absence of a car and the current overfill of Black Bottle - to stop me driving. I just really, really don't like doing it. 'Don't drink and drive' was the advice, years ago. So I don't drive. I've made my choice.

When I drove I didn't smoke while driving. No children in the car, no passengers most of the time (I once had a Mk. 1 Cortina with only the driver's seat in place. It was fun to stop next to hitchhikers. They're a fussy lot, none of them would get in). No, I didn't smoke because I have never mastered the art of one-handed rolling and because I needed both hands on the wheel in a terrified death grip while mad people kept getting in my way.

So really, banning smoking in cars will not affect me. This, however, does:

SCOTLAND'S Environment Minister has launched an angry tirade against smokers who lit up in Princes Street Gardens during the fireworks display.

Stewart Stevenson on Twitter branded four people puffing away next to him during the end of festival exhibition as "foul", and also praised New York's ban on smoking outdoors.

This man is supposed to represent the people. He hates the people - or at least, he hates those who do not conform to his views. Between twenty and thirty percent of those he represents, he regards as vile scum. If you smoke and vote SNP in Scotland you are mad. They hate you. They consider you 'foul' because you are burning a tiny bit of a leaf next to a quarter of a ton of exploding gunpowder.

Princes Street Gardens. Middle of Edinburgh. Right damn smack in the middle. Buses and cars and taxis and lorries and a busy train station next door and also on this night, burning pyrotechnic chemicals. So what does the Environment Monster worry about? Four people burning approximately half of one plant leaf between them. Really. I have tobacco plants and those leaves, even north of Aberdeen, will make eight to ten smokes each. Professionally grown ones in more temperate climes are likely to produce far more. And they won't lose leaves to overdrying and fungus as this amateur does. This is what the Environment Monster is paid to whine about. By. You. And. Me. We pay this girlie-man to cry about his awful, awful dreams.

Perspective is lost on all MPs of all parties. They are all idiots. Vote them all out. I don't care if the BNP get in, they couldn't be worse than the demented morons we have now. At least they wouldn't support the terror gangs of the UAF and the ASH and the Shenkerites, and they would say 'Stick it into your most southerly sphincter' to the Fourth Reich of the EU. As to the BNP's Leftie policies and societal segregation ideas, well aren't we suffering those anyway, no matter which main party gets in? How are they worse exactly? How are they even different? Because they hate different groups of people? Every party hates certain groups. Why would we each vote for the ones that hate us? Make your choice. If you smoke there aren't many.

In the current climate, you could turn the BNP into Kristallnacht in a matter of days, if they could be induced to put ego aside and ignore the increasingly irrelevant and actually trivial middle-class Leftie bleating. Unfortunately (or fortunately perhaps) they are politicians so ego is all they have. Just like all the others. So they remain an irrelevance, a sideshow, a target for tiddlers in the UAF and so the game goes on.

I'd prefer UKIP although their stance on death penalties and using troops to quell riots makes me very uneasy. I'd find it hard to vote for support of that. Once you put down one lot of dissent with the military, it's much easier next time...

Again, ego will keep the UKIP sidelined. Votes would go to local known individuals rather than to party-approved imports, if they were available. Come on Farage, you of all of them must be able to see this. Don't turn all Salmond on me or I'll have to form my own party and that's not going to go well. Especially if I were to win. Imagine Kim-Il-Legiron-Khan and change your pants at once. I'd have a regime that would make Vlad Dracul cover his eyes and say 'Oh dear'.

I considered signing up to comment at the Scotsman but what's the point? The indoctrinated cannot be reasoned with, the intolerant are as intolerable as they always are, and those people are not worth the wear on my keyboard.

They believe I'll kill them with a tiny bit of leaf. Good. I am happy to boost their psychosomatic terrors to the best of my abilities and I started practicing this game very young. They believe thousands die from passive smoking when nobody has? Fine. Thousands will die, antismoker, and guess what? One of them is you. Or your child, I don't care, you choose. I have no more guilt to feel, the relentless guilt-fest has immunised me.

Psychosomiasis is not hypochondria. It's much more fun. People have, quite literally, convinced themselves to death and more often into symptoms of real disease. There are deeply religious people who have so convinced themselves of the reality of stigmata that they do, actually, bleed from wounds they've never had. So you want to believe my smoke will kill you? I will be glad to help. You want to worry your children into sleepless nights and permanent terror? It's easy. I'll show you how. Heck, I don't need to. You're perfectly capable of doing it yourselves and already are. All you need are a few words of encouragement and your children will grow up as neurotic and as scared of shadows as you. Let's meet and talk, smokophobe. It'll be fun. For me.

There will be nothing wrong with your lungs when you die, smokophobes, as there is nothing wrong with mine after thirty years of puffing at the leaves. You will die of nothing but your own gullibility and that is not a problem for me.

Just think of me as a sort of Darwin's advocate (anyone left who can get the reference?)

As for the Salmond man, that oily fish I once considered a viable alternative to the usual dopes in government, it turns out he is as gullible and as easily manipulated by drones as the rest of the smokophobic oafs I've been hoping to remove.

The Scottish Government recently said it had "no plans" to extend the smoking laws in the near future, but has admitted that passive smoking for children travelling in cars is a major concern for ministers.

A major concern? Global condemnation for letting the Magwai go, covering Scotland in so many useless windmills you'd need a platoon of Don Quixotes to even get started, pub/club industry collapsing, that little independence thing they seem suddenly keen to push onto the back burner, oil rights, massive unemployment, drugs rife, and their major concern is that kids might get a little whiff of smoke from a driving parent?

Oh, let's not worry about the stuff pumped out by the car they're in and the ones around it, let's forget the plasticisers and the residue of those vile cleaning chemicals (anyone tried that spray dashboard cleaner? You have to leave the car alone with the windows open for a week), let's forget that the water-filled dummy in that child's mouth was filled with water in Korea, let's overlook the little detail that if you drive in Slough, the air coming through your beautifully clean and chemically-saturated non-smoking car contains more tobacco smoke than any smoker could produce in a lifetime, let's pretend it's all one thing.

Let's worry about someone burning a fraction of a leaf and of someone getting a hint of smoke from a fraction of a burned leaf. Because we know it's never hurt anyone at all, ever, but it helps to distract us from doing anything actually important.

Salmond, you are an idiot of the first water. And the last water, and all the water in between. Plus the ice on top and the wet mud beneath and the rain also. Idiot.

Your ministers are even more stupid than you. Your environment monster could be a study for a PhD in stupid. The buck stops with you, Oily Al. You gave him the job. You are responsible for his prejudices. You have made his prejudices government policy. You disagree? That is not what your voters see. Especially the smoking drinking fat ones. Oh wait, they just became ex-voters, even the ones who are less fat than you. Ah well, that EU parasite life beckons, eh, Al?

And still, the SNP are the best of the four main options in Scotland. If there is a God, he really, really hates Scotland. I am sure he hates fish-boy more than me because he has not yet put me in a position of being globally ridiculed. You bloody fool, Salmond. It would have been so easy if you just had a little bit of common sense and a hint of courage. Do they surgically extract those on election? Dammit man, what the hell did they trade you for your principles?

What did they pay you to alienate the smoking and drinking voters of Scotland? Scotland! Are you totally fucking insane? Don't you have windows in your room? What next, a haggis ban? Oh but your EU pals have that one already fired up. Along with a ban on fatty foods which will consign you and your moronic monsters to utter obscurity forever. You short fat dick.

We are apparently forcing democracy on Afghanistan, Libya, Iraq and soon Iran.

Why?

The means of electing idiots make no difference, the idiots still get in.

Libya might as well have stayed with the Gadfly. He shat on the Westmonster and Holyrood governments, after all.

If you drink and vote SNP... well, that game is coming. Eh. Al?

Jocko Homo.

Max Farquar has the video of the UAF's grinning dick telling of his delight that a woman - a woman who attacked nobody - was beaten up by the UAF for no other reason than that they felt like it.

He further revels in telling us that he does not consider her 'a woman' because she was with the EDL.

So, for the UAF, an organisation supported by the Tories, Lib Dems and Labour, unprovoked violence against random women is perfectly okay. They do not consider such women human and therefore it's okay to beat them in a way you'd be prosecuted for if you did it to a dog. The Cameroid, the Clegg and the Moribund support this organisation wholeheartedly. This is what you vote for if you vote for one of their parties. If you do, then by implication, you support random violence against women too.

It's going to be a long, long build-up to that next election, politicians.

As a smoker, I meet people like the dick in the film all the time. If you're a drinker or a little overweight, no doubt you'll have met them too. Soon you'll meet them when you leave the chip shop or MacDonald's. They will insult you, they will revile you and once in a while, when they have their gang with them, they will attack you.

They consider those they disagree with to be subhuman. Not as people with a different viewpoint. Not as people who live a different lifestyle. Not, indeed, as people at all.

These very same people, including the dick in the film, will be outraged by this. They will respond to an image they consider to be a glorification of violence against women by sending death threats (apparently irony is not in the Socialist dictionary) - but actually beat up a woman who is with the EDL and they will glorify it.

You listening, Cameroid? Clegg? Moribund? You support the UAF and the UAF delight in beating up random women for fun. YOU support, yes, actively support, a group that attacks women for fun. A group that is then happy to appear on YouTube laughing about it. Don't tell me the EDL are the bad guys. Hell, compared to the UAF, don't tell me the Nazis were the bad guys.

They call themselves 'Unite Against Fascism' while behaving like Pol Pot's terror gangs. And all our politicians love them.

One day, the dick in the film might grow up. I say 'might' because growing up seems to be optional these days. It seems to be perfectly okay for people like the dick in the film to behave like petulant, delinquent teenagers well into old age. One day, maybe he will have a child, and maybe, one day, that child will have the crap kicked out of him/her by the other side of a difference of opinion. I wonder if he'll feel quite so joyful about that?

I wonder if he'll remember his YouTube appearance delighting in a random attack on a woman?

The Tory, Lib Dem and Labour voters around here will remember it come election time. Oh yes, they'll remember it.

Then again, maybe dick-in-the-film will stay infantile well into his forties, as has the national laughing stock of the day, David Copp. What a cretinous jellyfish of a man. He... no, read about him here and here. I still can't believe he's real. If he is, the Oxford English Dictionary will need an extra entry under 'stupid' just for him.

The stupid people are everywhere. There is no escape. While it's okay to discriminate against smokers, fat people, anyone as long as they don't have a currently-valid 'victim' card to play, while it's okay for the UAF to beat up women, it seems we have been unfairly discriminating against munters.

As a munter myself, and a smoking, drinking one at that, I can only be thankful that my red hair has turned grey or I'd be on a whole range of death lists by now. I have never been turned down for a job because of my looks, or lack thereof. This might be because I have never applied for any job where having 'superficial airhead' on your CV would be an advantage. In my line of work, people are looking for someone who will take a bucket full of diarrhoea, animal or human, and find what's in there causing it. I don't meet much competition for that kind of work and coming into interview looking like George Clooney is not going to help at all.

If I had a hump, a speech impediment and answered to the name of Igor it wouldn't make any difference. This year's lack of work is down to the reticence of companies to hire outside contractors when they're feeling the pinch. Also to the progress of the Stuff to independent testing, which I obviously can't be involved in. Not because I look like as if a starfish sucked my face off and then reassembled it while blindfold and drunk and with four arms tied behind its back.

It is the very epitome of stupid. Hideously ugly people can't get high-ranking jobs? Look at the previous Prime Monster and the whole story is self-evident nonsense. When you look as if your face belongs on a much larger head and you can still be Prime Monster, there is no case for discrimination.

But this is what we are to be worried about. Looking pretty. The education system has ensured there are no upcoming brains so just look good and you'll get a job. As what? Well, the UAF can always use more woman-thumpers. The government (all three parties are now the same so party politics is no longer relevant) has endless vacancies for the endlessly vacant. The EU can't even get your pay right but it's okay, trying to calculate and retrieve overpayments will blow a pretty little accountant's head wide open.

Incidentally, remember that 'ugly people don't get anywhere' story? Looking at that woman and her income, I have to wonder just how horrifically deformed you have to be in order to be discriminated against. You'd have to grow Ed Balls out of one ear and Vince Cable out of the other and develop a Cherie Blair mouth filled with Tiny Blur teeth while having your forehead stretched to Cameronian levels. Even then, the EU will still give you a job as long as you're sufficiently dim and compliant.

Baroness Ashtray is one of the most repellent individuals in the EU, and that's quite a feat, but not because of her looks. I wouldn't hit her, even though she is possibly the most utterly arrogant, self-important and worthless politician next to the Zombie King, Herbie Remploy-van, himself. I could never condone violence against a woman, even one with the intelligence of the only sea-squirt that sucked.

If I did, I'd go to jail.

Unless I was in the UAF, in which case I'd be on YouTube bragging about it.

Looking at the current state of humanity, I think DEVO had it right a long time ago.

Off to pickling class.

Smoky-Drinky tonight and it's a big one. A fiftieth birthday party for a serious boozer. I have to take two bottles along, one for a present and one for general drink.

The present will be Sailor Jerry spiced rum. He likes spiced rum, I hate it, so I can guarantee I won't be drinking the present I bought him. That would be terrible. Is it a good rum? I've no idea. What the hell, by the time I get there he'll be too pissed to care.

So I won't be back online this evening - I hope. If I am, I'll probably write something I'll regret in the morning!

There are Emails accumulating to be answered, some long ones too, and I know I'm slow at that. I'll get to them, eventually.

For tonight, oblivion beckons. It's my brain's night off.

Dust off those speakeasy signs.

Imagine a world where there are no pubs and no corner shops. No clubs of any description. If you want a drink you can pick up your weekly allowance at the shop with painted-out windows, provided you have a permit and tons of spare cash. If you want a smoke you have to do it as slyly as a crack addict because 'everyone knows' smoking is the same as crack addiction. Soon 'everyone' will know that alcohol is the same, as are salt and hamburgers and fish in batter and...

You won't have to imagine very hard. Corner shops will soon be decimated by plain cigarette packaging, hidden goods, and by Darth Shenker's plan to eradicate off-sales (except from supermarkets, because he can control the minimum age then. Seen those 'Think 25' signs? The age is going up, isn't it?).

The drooling imbeciles we have in Government have fallen under the thrall of Darth Shenker as surely as they fell to the witch-queen, Dreadful Arnott. So have the drooling imbeciles among the public, those useful idiots who support every restriction because they don't think it will apply to them.

Maybe you never smoke or drink and will never want to. You won't have those pubs, corner shops or clubs either. These new measures won't ban smokers, drinkers and others you disapprove of from those places. They will close those businesses down. Along with all their suppliers, delivery drivers, paper boys and milkmen.

Now they plan to charge late-night pubs for the cost of policing. Oh, and of course, the perennial vampire that is the NHS must have its quart of blood too. Never mind that those going out will be paying income tax and the NI income tax, whatever form of transport they use to get there also pays tax, those club owners and all their staff will be paying tax on their income, the drinks are steeped in duty and VAT and if you smoke there's even more tax coming in from there. No, they want more.

They want more from the club owners and another tax on top of the taxed tax on drink. There is no end to the greed of these overpaid parasites, and Darth Shenker is all too keen to get his suckers into more tax money too.

I could just ignore it. The pubs threw we smokers out years ago and my visits, once weekly, are now more like annual. If they closed altogether it would make no difference to the current state of my social life. Burgers? Rarely eat them, don't much like them. I'm not a fan of fast food so why would I worry if the Righteous target that too?

I can't ignore any of it because these things are cumulative and if I let one slide, what's next? There is no end to this, you know. It did not end with a non-smoking carriage on the train and it will not end with salt rationing and the destruction of Burger King. It will never end. The likes of Darth Shenker depend on that parasitic existence, sucking away our freedoms and charging us for it, and they will never stop. They cannot stop. They are addicted.

Duty on drink, tax on the income of everyone involved, taxes on the businesses, council tax on the premises, VAT thrown in and now more tax. When is it going to be enough? When will the government say 'Okay, we've got as much as we need, thanks'?

Never.

Our government has long since abandonded the economic principle of 'how much do we need?' All they think now is 'how much more can we get?' What do they want it for? To pay for the NHS, police, army?

They've cut back the army. They're cutting the police. So why do they need more money? The NHS has far more than it needs, considering it is now cutting whole swathes of the population off from the medical attention they've already paid for.

If you want to know what all this extra tax is for, look no further than the incomes of those demanding money from you. That is where it goes. Look at where Darth Shenker and Dreadful Arnott's pay comes from. Look at those at the top of the medical profession, those ordering you to live as directed. You are paying them to boss you around.

And so many of the mindless drones love it. Even when the vicious control freaks themselves say it will do no good.

While the charity Alcohol Concern welcomes the extra charge on venues, it says it will do nothing to prevent the heavy drinking.

If it will achieve nothing, why do you welcome it, Darth? Does it make you excited to see the proles suffer for no reason at all? It does, doesn't it?

"The levy on the drinks industry won't actually address the root cause," said chief executive Don Shenker.

Then why do it? Here is the Chief Puritan himself admitting that this measure will no nothing more than put an awful lot of people out of work. Yet he welcomes that. This man is paid from your taxes, you have no means to get rid of him and he controls the Tory, Lib Dem and Labour policies on alcohol. Remember that at the next election.

"It won't stop people necessarily from drinking too much alcohol. The way to deter people from drinking too much alcohol is to raise the price of alcohol."

No, you utter dick. Raising the price of alcohol is the way to flood the market with illegal, unregulated stuff. As your fellow parasite Arnott has done for tobacco. Good God, man, American prohibition really wasn't that long ago. And what business is it of yours, leech, what other people choose to spend their money on? You take enough of it. Why not let us choose what to do with the little bit you and your Coagulation friends allow us to keep?

The late-night levy is expected to come in later this year.

Goodbye pubs. Hello illegal drinking dens.

It's not all bad. We'll be able to smoke in them. And when the collapse comes, we'll all be too drunk to care.