Friday, 13 August 2010

Senile delinquents.

I have not done that many samples in one day for many years. Now I remember why. Will I do it again? At that price, yes. Although I wish I had charged more because I would probably have got it. One good thing about dealing with that amount of chicken crap is that you always get a seat to yourself on the bus. As for smokers having no sense of smell, well you should have seen my face when I opened that box. I wish it were true, sometimes.

Anyway, too tired to rant even at the Hell's Grannies. The senile deliquents are running riot, it seems, roaring around at eight miles an hour on their souped up Hardly Davison unclad Daleks, high on booze and drugs. Oh, I am so looking forward to being old. The police are going to deploy stingers and squad bicycles in hot pursuit. Well, they are sooo hard to catch and they tick the boxes so it's inevitable really. When I get one I want it to come with the full Davros styling. If it doesn't, I'll fit it myself. I'll have a Pope hat too and go around screaming "Ex-commun-icate"! Perhaps also a bald wig. "Ex-foli-ate". There's more, as Jimmy Cricket used to say, but I'll save them for later.

They now want to have driving tests for a mobility scooter that does eight miles an hour. Those Olympic sprinters had better watch out. They might have to have a licence for their legs soon.

Anyway, there is much to do tomorrow and the next day so it's sleep time. No booze yet, just a touch of brandy for medicinal purposes this evening. Maybe two touches.

I'll catch up next week.


Dioclese said...

Actually, the mobility scooters around here are a fucking menace and a definite danger to pedestrians.
Mind you, I'd put number plates on bicycles and make them pay tax and insurance 'cos they are an even bigger menace - albeit a big fat fucking green one.
Both should be banned from pavements so that socially minded car drivers like me can run the fuckers down.

Anonymous said...

Dear Mr Leg-iron


Ex-creti-ate (apposite if it were not so obvious a construct)

E-jacu-late (one to impress the ladies if allowed by the Rules)




Frank Davies said...

Round here we are ok because the mobility scooter gangs use the roads not the pavements!

Anonymous said...

there are lots more of us oldies coming along. demography is against you.
so wodjit!!

Leg-iron said...

I can't help picturing roving gangs of leather-jacketed pensioners cranked up on Sanatogen and forcing youths to walk quickly as they chase them along the street on black scooters with skulls on them...

Then there are the Mobility Scooter Games where they have to negotiate a course with obstacles. Yeah, dodge that coffin, Granny!

There's a whole sitcom just waiting to be written.

Dave H said...

I know a guy who grew up in one of the more remote parts of the Fens. In his youth, he & his mates all used to travel to the pub on a Friday by horse and cart. At closing time, they'd just stagger over the cart and flop down in the back. The horse knew the route to where they all lived and just took them home without being told.

Sounds rather safe and idyllic, though no doubt highly illegal these days.

Anonymous said...

My mobility scooter does 130mph, its called a trike

Leg-iron said...

Dave H - how can they be prosecuted? None of them are driving. The horse is, and the horse is sober ;)

Anon - I've seen those trikes. They look like fun and ideal for the likes of me who can't balance a bike.

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