I have sixty samples arriving on Thursday so posts will be short for a while. It's a long time since I did that many in a day but it's a fast-earning day. With preparation and reporting it's more than a day, naturally, but it will improve my reserve considerably.
No boozing either, so I only have a bottle of Gary the Bastard (Bastide de Garille 2007) tonight. It's only 13.5% so it's practically a soft drink.
I have to organise running this many samples in advance so I get through them as fast as possible. Otherwise I'll be in there all night. Mistakes are not an option - I know at least half of them are contaminated with Campylobacter but I don't know which half. So, no 'oops' moments are allowed. I know what Campylobacter can do and I really don't want it to do that to me.
For tonight then, I'll settle for dropping one into the battle over smoking pregnant women.
My mother has never smoked. I'm a runt. My brother is generally more human-shaped than me but prone to illness, and he's good at catching ones even I've never heard of. I think I have the better deal.
My auntie smoked like a chimney, always has and still does. Her three sons are bigger, fitter and stronger than average. One of them played for the Welsh Youth national team. I was even ejected from the school choir. They all smoke. They have children too. All perfectly healthy.
The only similarity between me and my cousins is that we all run our own businesses. And we all smoke. Both fathers smoke in these families too although mine has packed it in because it's just too much bother to go outside when you're over 70, especially at today's prices.
Those are what are known as FACTS, Dunkie Bannatyne. Real FACTS. Here's one more FACT for you. None of us are child abusers. You can tell that to the judge.
Antismokers like to try to make smokers feel guilty. They have never succeeded in my case. All they have ever managed to rouse in me is anger. They are getting better at that daily.
For tonight though, the fury will have to be on hold. I have a lot of sample sheets to get ready.
So I'll turn it down as low as it gets - fast simmer.