I can hardly type for laughing although in the end, it's not funny at all. It's more the maniacal laughter of the damned than the chuckles of the amused.
The Cameroid has enraged the Islamists of Pakistan by suggesting it might be awfully sporting of them if they would stop training people to blow up other people. They have responded, as usual, by demonstrating their non-violent nature with uncontrolled rage and burning the Cameroid in effigy. They missed their chance to burn the real one. Then Moribund Senior, who did so wonderfully well in the region, pops up to say he did it wrong. Tories are no use at this, it takes a real Labour banana-waving grinning ghoul to properly annoy these people.
The Cameroid now has two options. Prove his statement was correct and say 'nyah' or, if he can't support it, he'll have to grovel and apologise like a Labour lickspittle. Apologise, Cameroid, and your ratings here will plummet. Yet if you can't prove your statement, what other choice do you have? You'd better come up with something more convincing than 'weapons of mass destruction' this time. The Blur used that one and it's not working out too well for him now. Oh, and 'The Ninja Chappatis and the Pilau Pirates' isn't going to work. This time it will have to be real evidence. I know that goes against the tradition of the last thirteen years but we're not all as stupid as politics would like.
Cameroid's single comment caused the head of Pakistani intelligence to take his ball and go home. He has refused to discuss security for the Pakistani PM's visit with British security forces because his delicate feathers are ruffled. So what's more important, a perceived slight or the safety of the head of State?
Silly question. A perceived slight trumps everything these days.
So Cameroid has annoyed the Islamists. It couldn't get worse, could it?
Well, yes, it could.
Some guy called Shimon Peres says that the English are all anti-Semitic. He seems to have forgotten how the state of Israel came about.
Shimon Peres said England was "deeply pro-Arab ... and anti-Israeli", adding: "They always worked against us."
Oh, good luck with that 'Middle East Peace Diva' job, Tiny Blur. Neither side likes you now. It's hardly surprising, really. Nobody likes you anywhere, at least not after you've spoken to them.
He added: "There is in England a saying that an anti-Semite is someone who hates the Jews more than is necessary."
Is there? I've never heard it, not in fifty years. Could it be that he's just made it up?
Oh, this is cracking stuff. The Muslims think the Cleggeron Coagulation is Israel's lap-dog while Israel think the Coagulation is all cuddly to the Muslims. Cameroid, get the hell out of the middle of this one now, if you can, and do it without taking sides.
You don't want to be on either side because Mr. Brown Stuff is about to hit Mr. Whirly Thing with quite some force and the best place to be when that happens is somewhere else. In the middle is definitely the worst option, believe me.
The Russians can see it coming.
Islam and Israel are squaring up and trying to force the Cameroid to take sides. The only sensible option is to go all Switzerland on them and leave them to it.
We don't have the capacity for yet another war, Cameroid. Leave this one to someone else. Don't let them play you the way battling children play their teachers. Let them sort out their differences themselves.
The Cameroid will be tempted to take Israel's side. Wrong. The Russians, with their rested armies and masses of equipment, will take the other side. Chechen rebels notwithstanding, Iran has a lot of oil and oil lubricates the wheels of co-operation very well indeed. Cameroid cannot take the Islamists' side while he has troops shooting at them in two countries. Devil and deep blue sea, Cameroid. Stay on the beach, get out the towel and a good book and sit this one out.
Cameroid, you have only one real option. Shut up and stay out of it. The Blur and the Gorgon caused enough problems with unpopular wars.
What's coming up is likely to be an unpopular war you'll lose, and lose quickly. Best option? Get our troops the hell out of the way, fast.
Oh, and you might consider buying them some decent equipment for a change. We might need them again if this escalates.
At least, some boots and rations, which would be better than the Gorgon ever offered.
Maybe a few bullets, too?