Big Gay Al's Big Gay Non-Smoking Hotel.

The gays hate the Tories, allegedly. This is, of course, overhyped crap from a 'pressure group' whose existence depends on gays being an oppressed minority. Keeping things in perspective is not on their agenda because that would put them out of a job.

Chris Grayling did not say that gays should be rounded up and thrown off a mountain. He did not propose banning gay people from every form of accommodation in the land. He certainly did not condone any direct action against gay people.

All he said was that the owner of a private business should be allowed to choose who they admit onto their premises. Oh, that's a good one. Private business owners can decide who they let in. We've heard this song before. But that comes later.

The owners of a certain B&B, one that is all over the news and the blogs, are in big trouble for refusing entry to a gay couple. They didn't want any gays on their premises and the gay pressure groups, and even the normally sensible Iain Dale, are furious. The police were contacted, the press had a field day, commenters on Iain Dale's said 'I'm not gay but I wouldn't go to a place that practiced such discrimination' and everyone had their handbags ready for combat.

Right. Here's a deal. This B&B is a place that does not allow gays to stay in it. If I can name one place that does not allow straight people to stay, will you hysterical queens at Stonewall and Attitude just chill?

Deal?

Right. Here it is. Found via that hardly-a-friend-of-yours, Old Holborn.

That hotel advertises as being for gay men only, no wench-chasers allowed. They can advertise that they don't want the likes of me in there. Nobody minds. Hell, I don't mind. I don't care at all and in fact, I appreciate them telling me. If I was going to Blackpool and booked a room, then turned up on the last train in the middle of the night and found they didn't want me because I'm not gay, I would be seriously pissed off. I have slept on the streets in the past but it wasn't pleasant and I'm far too old for such things now. I'm past fifty despite the prediction of every Righteous in the land. I am an apprentice old git and working hard for an A in gittiness.

Okay. I have no problem at all with someone setting up Big Gay Al's Big Gay Hotel and openly advertising 'No Leg-irons' so what is my point? As usual, it's convoluted and there are more than one.

That roundly-condemned B&B despised by Iain Dale and supported by Chris Grayling should also have been able to advertise 'Straight people only, no bum fun in our house thank you very much' but if they did that, the Discrimination Nazis would have come down on them like a ton of KY jelly. It doesn't hurt but it makes a hell of a mess. They are not permitted to do what the Guyz Hotel is allowed to do and that is where I have a problem.

I also have a problem with this:

Says Todd: “If Cameron wants gay people to believe his party no longer views us as second class citizens then he can’t have a shadow home secretary who clearly believes we are. “

If you are a second class citizen, then what am I? You can have a gays-only hotel and openly advertise as such. I cannot have a smokers-only room. If I do, I will get this.

“It's encouraging that we haven't come across this problem before, but if anyone else is operating or thinking they can get away with operating an illegal smoking room, then this case should send out a strong warning to them. This offence carries a maximum penalty of a fine of up to £2,500."

An. Illegal. Smoking. Room. Nobody complained, nobody was even slightly inconvenienced, but it is illegal to let a smoker onto your private property.

Yes, it is illegal to have a smoking room on private premises but if you are gay, you can make your entire premises gay-only. If you are Muslim, you can make your private business baconless and Halal. I have no problem with you doing that. The problem is that I don't have that right. In fact, I am seen not as a second class citizen but as scum. Utter filth. By all the main parties out there. What is more, my lifestyle choice is heavily taxed. Is there a gay tax, a Jewish tax, a Muslim tax? Is any other group paying extra, exorbitant taxes just to be treated like something a politician's undersecretary stepped in?

It is time to get seriously nasty. If gays can advertise gay-only hotels and Muslims can advertise Halal-only restaurants, why is it that smokers are only seen as 'a problem'? Why is it that ASH, who still demand extension of their Final Solution smoking ban, don't care if a female smoker is raped because she had to stand outside, or a nurse is stabbed to death because she had to leave hospital premises for a smoke? Why? Because as far as you bastard antismokers are concerned, we don't count. We are filth and it's just fine to push us all as far as possible from the doorways where we could call for help and you are all delighted when one of us is attacked. You love it. You revel in it. You cheer on the rapist and the killer. You might even be the rapist and/or killer. We are only smokers. Not like you. Not like real human beings. You Nazi filth.

You don't like the smell. That is your one and only argument. That is it. It is all you have.

It is the argument put forward by a four-year-old presented with boiled cabbage. You are arguing as a child and it's no surprise in a world where if someone photographs themselves holding a knife and posts it online, you shit yourselves. You useless, feeble, mindless morons have accepted every single lie put to you and you are ready to make us sew yellow stars on our clothing. Look at yourself. Really look. It's not a pretty picture but try. Most of you can't do it because you are not reclaimable as human and are now eternally Nazi. You might as well vote National Front, you are the same. Exactly the same.

Not liking a smell does not do you harm. You are so weak that you consider a mere inconvenience as something deadly. You are happy to see women raped and stabbed to death so that you are not inconvenienced by a smell you don't like. You are in fact delighted that those things happen to another human being for no other reason than that they smoke. You are happy about that. Consider the implications. If your atrophied mind can cope with such complexity.

And you call smokers 'scum'. The mirror tells you the truth.

You want respect? No. You are beyond redemption. You are beyond reason. You are not worth the effort of explanation because you are incapable of reason.

The smokers are coming back and we will show you exactly as much respect as you have shown us.

As for all the other minorities, expect nothing from us. You are not paying to be treated badly. We are. And you don't like us either.

On the other hand, if you are willing to put aside your disgust of the smoking ghouls, we will listen. You don't like us, we know that, but if you want an alliance against a common enemy, let us know. Just remember that should we win, we smokers will no longer accept second class status.

Remember. Smokers pay excessive tax for something they are not allowed to do anywhere at all. We cannot have 'smoker's hotels'. We cannot even have a room. Soon we will not be allowed our own homes. And we are paying for this repression.

You ally with us, you ally with a group who has nothing more to lose. In any alliance, we call the shots.

I doubt there will be any takers. They're all too scared to play this game. For now, smokers have to work one way and one way only.

For ourselves.