Nick-your-last Winterton is outraged. Outraged, I tell you. He is far too important to travel in cattle class with the commoners. Why, someone of his standing should be sitting in the front with the driver. He's so important he should be allowed to disembark three stops before his destination. Without even slowing down the train.
...he was "infuriated" that MPs might no longer be able to claim for first-class train travel and complaining about the "totally different type of people" in standard class.
What a pompous git. We don't want your sort in cattle class, Mr. W. We like to doze off now and then and we don't want to have to chain our wallets shut while we do it. Yes, there are a different class of people in standard class. A much better class of people. People who don't pretend to be stealing from you for your own good.
The Tories have wisely, and quickly, distanced themselves from his remarks. They will be damaging nonetheless but at least the Tories have an effective damage limitation machine. If this was a Labour MP, it would be days before the party started muttering about whether something should maybe be done at some stage.
Nick-your-last is still stamping his feet about his special train seat. He seems to have lost sight of what this will do to his party's parliamentary seat.
"They want to stop members of parliament travelling first class," he said. "That puts us below local councillors and officers of local government. They all travel first class. Majors in the army travel first class.
Local councillors all travel first class? I hope the next stage of this reform is to put a stop to that too. They should be strapped to the roof, and none too securely at that. Oh, and not necessarily with sufficient clearance for bridges and tunnels. Think of the revenue to be had from renting out space on railway bridges to photographers and to people with bricks.
"So we are supposed to stand when there are no seats ... I'm sorry, it infuriates me."
I'm sure it infuriates everyone who has paid a huge price for a ticket only to find the train is packed to a degree that, if it were done with pigs, would incur very large fines under animal welfare legislation. You're an MP. Do something about railway overcrowding. We can't do anything about it, we just have to put up with it. Oh, and we pay for our own tickets as well as yours. There's a novel concept for you. If you want to travel first class, pay for it yourself. Or at least pay for an upgrade.
"I believe that the facilities extended by the rail companies to travel first class are very valuable for businesspeople and I include in that category MPs."
Those other businesspeople... do they get to charge their tickets to the taxpayer? Travel any way you like, Mr. W. Travel by private plane powered by a huge green elastic band if you like. Travel by subterranean James Bond machinery. As long as you don't expect the rest of us to pay for it, we don't care if you travel by matter transporter or magic carpet.
Nick-your-last Winterton is not standing at the next election which is mere weeks away. So why does he care at all about the new rules? They'll hardly affect him at all.
In fact, many of the loudest squealers among the stuck pigs of parliament are standing down and won't be MPs by the summer. They'll still get their pensions and payoffs. So what's all the moaning about?
Looks like they're trying to do as much damage to their own parties as possible, and to Parliament in general, before they go.
There is a way to stop them. Expel one of these idiots and make sure he loses his pension on the way out. That might focus the minds of the others somewhat.
Nick-your-last does at least appreciate why we are so cheesed off with politicians, at least with other politicians.
"They have no experience of life outside. Have they ever paid wages at the end of the week? Have they ever been through negotiations over a business deal? Have they been in the law? No."
Have they ever been caught fiddling their expenses when working for a real business, or when filling in a tax return? We all know what can happen to us if we try that.
It's an awful lot worse than being told not to travel first class.
(Still statisticating, or whatever the verb is, so the big food rant is on the back burner)