Working today because I had to dispose of pig crap samples. I have to sterilise everything before it can be thrown away, which means steaming it all to death in a big pressure cooker called an autoclave. I do it at weekends to avoid making the other occupants of the place sick because if there's one thing that smells worse than pig shit, it's cooked pig shit. On the plus side, the experiment looks like it might have worked. I don't know which pigs were on treatment and which on control but there's a clear separation into two groups. I just hope it's the right way round!
Anyway, on to today's merriment.
Labour have stolen another BNP slogan for their campaign and have instructed their drones not to mention Labour's record in office while campaigning. They believe that nobody they will speak to has noticed anything amiss, I assume. Best of luck, drones, and I'd recommend wearing body armour if you're knocking on doors over the next few months.
Alexander the Not-so-great thinks Labour will win because they have a snazzy new campaign slogan that everyone will fall for. He is also hoping that the entire population of the country have the memory span usually attributed to goldfish.
...Labour's campaign slogan will be "A future fair for all" – a phrase designed to compete with what Alexander describes as David Cameron's "valueless promise of change".
Compete? For unbelievability perhaps? It wins that round, I think. While life is unlikely to change perceptibly under the Tories, the notion that Labour have any 'fairness' on their agenda is beyond parody. They have never promoted equality. They use the word to push forward divisive and oppressive laws. There is no fairness in anything they have done, nor in anything they might do in the future. Agree with them, follow the directions exactly, or be quashed. That is Labour's idea of fairness.
Labour plans to stop the Tories winning the general election by tapping into a "submerged optimism" about the future and by applying Barack Obama's reliance on word-of-mouth campaigning, backed by the internet...
No doubt headed by Drippy Draper's flagship site and Kerry McCarthy's twitterability. They have missed the point of Barry O'Blimey's campaign. He was up against an existing government that had become widely hated. Labour, you can't apply the same technique because in case you hadn't noticed, you are the existing government who is widely hated. You cannot win by pointing out your own mistakes and pretending you have any intention of fixing them.
So Labour's campaign plan consists of stealing ideas from the BNP, pretending the Brown Gorgon is charismatic and black and hasn't been in charge all this time, talking to Labour activists on Labour-only websites where any questioning voices are booed offstage then blocked, and pretending the last thirteen years never happened.
It's going to be a laugh a minute.