Sunday, 23 May 2010

The Labour NHS in action.

Felling a bit ill? Perhaps you should call your GP - oh wait, no, Labour put a stop to all that GP overtime and ensured they all get their beauty sleep every single night, untroubled by outbreaks of swine flu or leprosy. Instead you can call the helpline, outsourced to Patagonia where helpful advisors will dispense wisdom such as how to prepare a mouldy bread poultice for meningitis or the best way to slaughter a goat to cure scabies.

Well, then, how about an ambulance? Hard luck. Labour wrecked your chances there as one of their final acts of spite, and kept it quiet so the blame would fall on the new lot. Instead of cutting back layers of empty suits, they allowed the empty suits to keep their deep-pile offices and Lexus luxury while cutting back on actual medical professionals instead. So, no ambulance for you unless you are one of the Worthy. Everyone else gets a bloke in a van with a toolkit. You'd be better off with the AA.

Even if you manage to drag yourself to the hospital, you'd better be really seriously ill. If you're only 74 and only have cancer, that's not good enough. They want you properly sick so they'll give you Clostridium difficile. Labour made its use widespread, remember. So now you're 74, cancerous, and can shit through the eye of a needle. Sick enough? Ha! Have a dose of Legionnaire's disease on top. Now it might be worth spending some money on drugs for you. Better yet, think of the money those Lexus-driving suits would save if you died really fast rather than lingering on with something like cancer that takes ages to kill you.

Labour's version of healthcare. It remains to be seen whether the ToryDems can fix it but if they can, it's not going to be overnight. They will have to storm the admin offices with the SAS to get the wasters out.

In the meantime, what's wrong? Don't you want to go on the cart?

Your taxes paid for it.


Mrs Rigby said...

The ambulance thing looks like - we'll send a paramedic on a motorbike, if you're lucky, and then maybe an ambulance some time in the next 24 hours, if you're lucky.

It's like waiting lists - you get put on one, then a couple of weeks later there's a letter changing the date. They apparently meet the target, but have no intention of that surgery/appointment actually happening within the proscribed time. Fabulous loophole, it's an administrator's dream!

Leg-iron said...

Mrs R - that would explain why so many people I know keep complaining about re-jigged appointments.

I thought it was different in Scotland but it's hard to work out which bits are Westmonster and which are Holyrood.

They both have silly targets.

subrosa said...

I don't think this will apply to Scotland LI as healthcare is devolved. Someone in the SNP will be able to confirm that.

Have to admit, since I had the c.diff the service here has been excellent. Back in early December I was told I should have an MRI scan and when I asked how long I'd wait the GP couldn't say. Two weeks later I received an appointment for Christmas Eve. As I had to go to Edinburgh airport I phoned and postponed it and three days later received an appointment for Hogmanay. All in all a four week wait - three if you deduct the week it was postponed by me.

Can't do better than that anywhere I don't think.

As for Legionnaire's disease. The state of the toilets/shower rooms in my local hospitals are dreadful. Much safer to take your own facecloths and wash the old-fashioned way.

WV: unmedi (how true)

Leg-iron said...

Subrosa - I have as little contact with doctors as possible because I'm at the age where there must surely be something wrong with me by now. That's why I know little about frontline NHS.

If you ever get that C. diff again, let me know. I have 50 litres of The Improved Stuff in a freezer here and on past experience, it won't all get used on the trial. (Improved = it tastes better than last time).

It's working well in Manchester and we're still trying to get it tested in Dundee too.

Anonymous said...

My own experiences of waiting time targets was an eyeopener. Thankfully for a minor issue. the short version:-

Went to get a tooth extracted at my dentist. Tooth snapped below the gum line and despite the best efforts of the 3 dentists on duty no chance to complete the op.

The dentists applied a temporary cover to prevent infection, apologised to me, told me I would have to get the extraction completed in hospital and that they would send the letter immediately.

18 weeks later the day of the hospital appointment arrives. I see the consultant and in literally 2 minutes he tells me what I already know " Sir, you have had an extraction that has went wrong, your tooth is broken below the gum line and you will need to come into hospital to have the extraction completed" then comes the target cheating fraud. "take this card back to reception and they will make you an appointment for your operation" No examination, no xrays, no treatment, nothing, in and out in 2 minutes.

I had to wait another 26 weeks, thats right 44 weeks in total from referral to operation, but I did see a consultant within 18 weeks as promised by NuLabour. Tick the box.

Stewart Cowan said...

Hi LI,

You've inspired me to write a blog post on the real priority of the NHS: social engineering. From the NHS Scotland website:

Diversity Task Force – Recognising, valuing and celebrating diversity in the workforce as well as in society at large is a priority for the Scottish Government Health Directorate and NHSScotland (NHSS), the Diversity Task Force (DTF) exists to provide strategic leadership to NHSScotland Managers and to act as an enabler to facilitate the necessary culture change at every level within NHSScotland.

Anonymous said...

The ToryDems need to cut the number of QUANGOs before they can make a difference.

Each time Labour encountered a problem in the NHS, it ceated a new NHS QUANGO, without abolishing previous QUANGOs. The result is that they each compete for power and influence and the mess is more complicated than ever.

Contracts are a nightmare - as BT is currently finding out.

Fortunately, the current lot have targeted NHS QUANGOs for the dump.

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