Spectacular own goals.

If there was an Olympic sport for being a comical buffoon, the antismokers would be guaranteed gold every time.

First up is their advertising of a product that is not allowed to advertise, so we'd never have known it existed if they hadn't put it (and its picture) in the papers.

Before the link, there's one more thing. The product is described as -

Critics say the design of the pack and cigarette, which has a white filter tip, makes smoking look elegant, sexy and classy.

Smoking looks elegant, sexy and classy? Who is saying that? Tobacco companies? No, they are not allowed to advertise at all. They cannot speak at all. The reason they cannot currently speak is that they are currently rolling about the floor, crying with laughter, because those words have come from the lips of the antismokers.

The ad - I mean, article - shows a promo shot of the pack and shows a teenage girl lighting up. You cannot buy that kind of advertising. If any tobacco company showed those images there would be outrage. If any tobacco company said those words there would be shock.

So the antismokers are advertising smoking for teens as being cool and fashionable, and they think (I use the word advisedly) that this will stop teenage smoking.

They bring to the world's attention a new and trendy cigarette that the producer would never be allowed to advertise anywhere and they think they are stopping people smoking.

The ASH drones are out in force in the comments but it's far too late now. All they are doing is making smokers laugh harder. Honestly, these people have done some astoundingly stupid things in the past but today they have excelled themselves.

Their second own goal comes in the form of an article on a woman who has given birth after smoking 3500 cigarettes during pregnancy. So, was the baby born nicotine-coloured and coughing? There's a picture of the baby in the article. Judge for yourselves.

Looks fine to me.

Her attitude has caused outrage among health professionals.

Outrage! Outrage, I tell you. Ha ha ha! And a little bit of panic, judging by their hysterical reactions.

Midwives testing her carbon monoxide levels during pregnancy discovered they were six times higher than the level considered safe for the baby.
Specialist midwife Lisa Fendall warned her: 'Your baby is struggling for oxygen, and it's saying "help me".'

As we all know, specialist midwives have a telepathic link to the unborn, and antismokers have been infantilised to the point where they actually understand the 'goo-goo' noises babies make. Unfortunately that's as far as their understanding now extends, but you can't have it both ways.

During her pregnancy Miss Wilcox boasted of her habit - a minimum of 20 cigarettes a day: 'It's making the baby use its heart on its own in the first place, so that when it comes out, it's going to be able to do them (sic) things by itself. Where's the proof that it's so bad to smoke?'

She refused to believe the midwives who told her smoking could cause the baby to be born prematurely, smaller than normal, or with a host of other health problems.

Isn't she wonderful? All those antismokers thumping their little fists and beating their feeble chests and here is Charlie Wilcox who simply does not give a shit about any of it. She refuses to 'believe' and she asks for proof. Does she get proof? No, she gets a snide little 'sic' against her manner of speech.

That is all the antismokers have, you know. Snide remarks and bile. There is nothing else to them at all. They have no value.

Oh, but she goes further.

'I'm not saying smoking is good for your baby. But if you do give up suddenly when you're pregnant, you're probably going to put your baby under a lot more stress, which potentially could do a lot more harm.

This, unlike the rabid babblings of the antismokers, is a valid point. A heavily stressed mother is indeed more likely to miscarry. Does she have a case study to back it up?

'My mate gave up smoking and she miscarried at nine weeks, on the same day I gave birth to Lilly. Me and my friends think it's because she gave up smoking.
'I put it down to her boyfriend actually snapping every fag that she had and banning her from smoking.'

Yes she does. All her mates have come to the same conclusion so there you have it. The court of public opinion has spoken against the tyrannical boyfriend who put that mother under such stress that she lost the baby.

Don't like that, antismokers? That's one real-life case to us. How many real-life cases of second hand smoke do you have so far, with all your doctors and researchers and funding and charities and pressure groups? How many? Sorry, didn't catch that.

Well, antismokers, it seems you've killed a baby. No smoker has ever done that, you know. No, never. You must all feel so very proud.

I have become so sick of hearing smokers saying 'I know it's a filthy habit and I cower at the feet of the Holy Righteous and beg forgiveness. I will take my rightful place out in the cold while continuing to support the pubs, clubs, restaurants and cafes who state they don't want me on the premises' and all the rest of the subservient claptrap.

No, what we need are more like Charlie Wilcox who are willing to set an example and say 'My life, my body, my choice, fuck off.'

And here she is, in the daily papers, reaching the masses in a way no blog or smoker's forum ever could. Thank you, antismokers, for enhancing my daily reading with two of the most spectacular own goals you have ever achieved. Thank you for the further amusement of your drone-responses in the comments.

Care to try for a hat-trick?

Go on. You still have plenty of stupid left in you.


Update: A hat-trick, found in the closing minutes of the day's play. It might not count because it was scored by the Greens but they're all the same team really.