Saturday, 21 May 2011

Smoke 'em if you've got 'em.

The End of the World is Nigh. Again.

RealStreet has a more Christian-based view of why today's End of the World is nonsense. Even Jesus didn't know the date, so how could some wrinkly guy with a book collection consisting of one book?

The Rapture (the one from the Bible, not the Rupture, which comes from 'Atlas Shrugged A Bit Too Hard That Time') is where all the good people are taken up to Heaven. The rest of us won't even notice. After that, the world descends into madness and disaster.

Strange and illogical things will happen. People will believe they can die from a smell. We will have scientists telling us that people who eat more calories than they use could end up putting on weight. Oh, and they'll expect to be well paid for telling us that too. Everything will reverse, over and over. Meat gives you cancer, no it doesn't, yes it does, and all studies are true. Butter and cheese will clog your arteries, then they won't. Red wine is good for you but red wine is bad for you. Every day the madness will increase.

It will be a confused and terrible world where every day you will be expected to believe the opposite of what you believed yesterday, you have to accept that it is fine to pay people to tell you the bleeding obvious, there will be lies and debauchery all over the world and the law will turn around on the lawful. Massive earthquakes and floods will blast the planet and war will spread across the world.

But not to worry. That doesn't happen until after the Rapture. And nobody will notice when the Rapture happens.


Somebody give that preacher a nudge. If the Rapture is indeed real, my bet is that it happened some time ago. So those of us who are still here are already doomed. I take some vicious consolation in knowing that Plastic Man is still here too. So are all the politicians.

It's far too late to start making a fuss about it now. Just get a bottle of something good and wait for the fiery hole. I bag the pitchfork with Gordon Brown's name on the sharp end.

See you there.


Bill Sticker said...

"I bag the pitchfork with Gordon Brown's name on the sharp end." No you can't, it's a custom made Spear and Jackson 'Eversharp' with five hollow ground tines and beheading edge. There's also a claver little two pronged castrating gizmo on the other end of the shaft.

Cost me a lot of souls. Get your own.

Leg-iron said...

Damn, I was looking forward to that.

Never mind, there are plenty of the sods to go round. I could spend eternity sewing Slotgob's mouth shut.

It would take that long.

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