For younger readers (which is most people these days), the reference is here.
The Man Who Shall Not be Named (yes, another Voldemort) will not be named here even though I'm in Scotland so nyah. I don't care about him at all so I won't be giving him the publicity he doesn't deserve.
The House of Commons did, which forced Dave to admit something.
The Prime Minister admitted yesterday morning that even he knew that Bryan Glib was the footballer at the centre of the furore, hours before his name was revealed in Parliament.
Hours before? Oh, do try to keep up, Prize Mutant. The rest of the world has known for days. If you can't manage to be 'down wiv da yoof' on something so blatant, what use are you? Oh never mind, we have seen how much use you are already. Go and do something useful like counting the dust particles on Gordon Brown's Commons seat.
All I can think of on this subject is this: If Footyman had admitted it at the start, it would have been 'Oh yeah, another footballer can't keep his trouser snake on a leash, yawn' and the next day it would have been gone. Forgotten. Orrible bin Liner's death would have consigned the whole thing to less importance than chip wrappings.
It wasn't the knob-twiddling, football boy, it was your attempt to cover it up that blew your name stratospheric. Do you think your kids' friends at school didn't know who you were? Do you think your wifes' friends and your family never use the Internet or Twitter? It could all have been over in hours but now it will never end. You, and your football club, are in the stenchy and scabrous mire, yea verily, up to thine stubbly chins and it is all your doing.
It will never end because Dommie the Grieve still plans to pursue the Twits, all tens of thousands of them, over their breaking of your 'Oooh no missus' injunction. You and your club will now be wishing it would go away but you have granted it immortality as tens of thousands of silly little court cases run over the next few decades. Chances are you'll have died of old age long before this is forgotten.
Footyman, you could have taken the consequences of your actions and the whole thing would be long forgotten by now. Instead you have driven it into the conversation of every pub, club and football supporters group in the land forever. Even the Monsters of Parliament have noticed and wow, that takes some doing.
As the song says, you are really up the junction.
Looks like football's going home, but there might not be anyone in this time.
Sympathy... I have heard legends of such a thing but I fear this is the wrong place to seek it.