The oddly named NICE, which is composed entirely of people who are not nice at all, now demands that all pregnant women are pressured into being tested for carbon monoxide. If they say they don't smoke but test positive they will be branded liars.
Carbon monoxide from cigarettes is there, but it's tiny. Carbon monoxide from traffic is much higher. So no matter how you get to the midwife, you're going to test positive unless you take the rural route by horse and cart.
Therefore you will be branded a liar, even if you've never smoked, and the resultant nagging is likely to stress you to the point of miscarriage. That's modern health care from NICE.
It's time this organisation was shut down entirely. They are responsible for a constant outpouring of utter rubbish, control freakery and the postcode lottery that determines whether you can get treatment for whatever ails you. If we didn't have NICE we could afford much more medicine and we'd all be less stressed. The people in this organisation are unemployable in the real world and should be humanely destroyed. Really. They are utterly useless in any capacity and will simply be a drain on NHS psychiatric services if allowed to live.
Look at these quotes:
...around a third of women smoke while pregnant,
Nearly half of all children in the UK are exposed to tobacco smoke at home.
Smokers are currently around 20% of the population. A third of pregnant women smoke, therefore smokers breed faster and more efficiently than non-smokers. We're only a fifth of the population but we account for a third of the pregnant women.
Half of all children are exposed to smoke at home - therefore smokers have more children than anyone else. One-fifth of the population is producing half of the children and we're only using a third of pregnancies to do it. Damn, we're good at that. Smoking is therefore fantastic for your sex life and increases fertility beyond the bounds of reality. These are NICE's figures, not mine.
So what about those 'damaged sperm' and 'Mr. Floppy' warnings on the packets? The figures presented by NICE suggest that smoker's sperm all have little Superman capes on them and it's more effective than Viagra. We have to whack it down with a ruler to get our pants on some mornings.
The new control-freakery will exacerbate the difference. All those non-smokers who are accused of being smokers will worry themselves into miscarriage while the smoking women will say 'Bollocks' and relax with a cigarette, then produce a healthy and well-balanced child who can grow up to be a fireman and walk through burning buildings without breathing apparatus.
The figures are, of course, entirely fabricated. As usual. There are more smoking pregnant women than there are smokers, if you take the figures as real. NICE is a Labour creation that is trying to continue as if Labour were still in charge. They are not.
Time for the Cleggeron to find a new thing to cut. Go on, you know it makes sense.
It'll save you money and it'll save us a lot of stress. Disposing of NICE will save the NHS a lot of money too.