Tuesday, 22 June 2010

Here it comes.

[random huge number] of deaths per year due to smoking.

[random huge number] of deaths per year due to drinking.

[random huge number] of deaths per year due to fatty and salty food.

I don't get it. When I go down the High Street, there are hundreds of people. According to official statistics I should be the only one left by now.

Oh, and any antismokers who like a burger or a bag of chips - enjoy being spat on by passers-by, enjoy being told that you should just die in pain and get off the planet of the Nice People, enjoy the abuse and the sneering and the superior looks. You don't even have to be overweight to enjoy the insults any more. I look forward to it. It'll take a little pressure off the smokers.

You can't complain. You encouraged it. This is what you have brought upon us all:

• Low-salt and low-fat foods should be sold more cheaply than their unhealthy counterparts, through the use of subsidies if necessary;

Yes indeed, let's subsidise everything even though we have no money at all. Look, we are going to be eating roadkill in a year from now. I know how to cook it and I'll have a little roadside cafe where it's safe to eat. Won't be cheap. There's not much more than a small burger's worth of meat on the average crow, you know. As for the wild fruit, that's mine.

• Advertising of unhealthy foods should be banned until after 9pm and planning laws should be used to restrict the number of fast food outlets, especially near schools;

More of the 'no chip shop near schools' crap. Here, a chip shop half a mile from the school is full of kids at lunchtime. It takes fit young people ten minutes to walk there, it takes the tubbies fifteen. They eat it on the way back. They have one hour for lunch. If they can get served within twenty minutes, their effective chip-shop range is one mile. Kids will eat crap and get away with it if they're active. The reason they're not active? They are not allowed to be, by Government decree. No climbing trees, no running, no playing in the mud, no interacting with nature, with adults or each other and no competitive games. The problem is not the fast food, Righteous. It's you.

• The Common Agricultural Policy should focus more on public health, ensuring farmers are paid to produce healthier foods;

Farmers produce potatoes, very healthy. We make them into crisps and chips and waffles and croquettes and so on, because potatoes in their healthy form are really pretty dull. Mushrooms, very healthy. Until we soak them in garlic butter, coat them in batter and deep fry them. Parsnips, that staple of these islands before Drake and his meddling, very healthy but best roasted in dripping. Apples, lovely in a crumble loaded with sugar and made with proper butter. What do these loons want? Fields of courgettes and broccoli? Okay. Mix the batter and heat up the oil. We can work with courgette chips if we have to. Grow what you like. We can bugger it up.

It's not what farms produce that matters, it's what we do with it afterwards. Although I suspect this is a sneaky 'stop them producing meat' plan, which will never work because there are plenty of rabbits around. Plenty of vegetarians too, and eating herbivores is permitted by the Bible. So there.

• Action should also be taken to introduce a “traffic light” food labelling system, even though the European Parliament recently voted against this;

They voted against it because it was a stupid and pointless idea, too stupid and pointless even for EU approval and that is pretty much at the limits of both stupid and pointless. It still is, and is still being put forward by stupid and pointless people who are the best advertisement ever for involuntary euthanasia, or for retrospective abortion.

• Local authorities must act to encourage walking and cycling and public sector caterers must provide healthier meals;

No. Local authorities are employed by the public, they are not in charge of the public. They already consider themselves local barons. This is pitchfork and flaming brand stuff we are talking here. We can soak the brands in the melted fat of politicians and solve the energy crisis at a stroke.

• All lobbying of the Government and its agencies by the food and drink industry should be fully disclosed.

All lobbying by these quangos and fake charities should be ended.

Compare and contrast with - if you are against the smoking ban/drink controls you are in the pay of tobacco companies/booze makers who secretly lobby the government. Advertising ban on alcohol and tobacco. Warning labels. Encourage people to do as they are told and not inhale/ingest the Non Approved Thing. Use peer pressure to make them conform.


Can't you see it yet? It is the same thing over and over and over and why, oh why are you dozy bastards still sitting there going 'yeah, right... duh, it's bad like innit. Ban it'. You will not be banning MacDonalds and Burger King. You will be banning sausages and bacon and black pudding and dumplings and roast beef and well, pretty much everything that the health Righteous don't want you to have. You will live on pelleted pig feed and water. It works for pigs and it will work for you. That's not speculation. It really will.

The Cameroid-Clegg Collective will repeal the hunting ban because it is unrelated. That was just anti-Tory spite. They will not repeal the smoking ban because it is exactly the same as the control on drink and now on food. Break one, and you reveal the underlying method and break them all.

These are controls, not for your health but for your souls. You want to end up in blue overalls, working eight hours, sleeping eight hours, playing eight hours? Are you happy with the war with Eurasia - or is it Eastasia now? Happy with making those people you've known all your lives, friends and family, those who are overweight, who like a sherry now and then or who smoke, into unpersons who never existed and never mattered at all? Are you really happy with all that? Are you happy to become an unperson yourself?

I have a great-aunt. This year she is 101. She has all her mental faculties intact although she nods off now and then. She has never taken anyone's orders on smoking, drinking or food and since she lives in Wales, you can bet her fridge is full of lard. We have chip pans you can't get the basket out of when it's cold. We didn't have any problem with fat kids until Labour came along. We once had a problem with a hideous ginger git called Kinnock but we sent him abroad.

Do you want to join the Righteous carousel when you reach the appointed age at which you are no longer economically viable? Or will you think for a little bit and eventually come up with those words that have historically ended rules of the Righteous, that have awakened sleepers down the ages, that have saved worlds from enslavement and stopped the hatefests in their tracks? Will you come up with those words on your own?

Will you sneer and think 'This control won't affect me, like the last one, the one before that and the one before that. I am certain the next one won't either'.

Or will you think 'Hang on a minute. That can't be right...'

Maybe next time, eh? Or the time after that. Oh wait, it's feeding time, the pellets have arrived.


Trooper Thompson said...

"the planet of the Nice People".

Now, there's a horror movie waiting to be made... wait a minute... shit! It's not a movie, it's real and I'm living it.

Leg-iron said...

The only hope is... there aren't many Nice People left. the criminalised outnumber the Righteous.

They have to be non-smoking, perfect physique,non-drinking, in perfect health, eating and drinking perfect amounts of salt and fat, they must be tall, blonde, oh hang on, I see where this is going now.

That's why Hitler is all over YouTube. We're living through the Third Reich comeback tour.

One of my uncles was a Hell's Angel. I still have that skull and crossbones badge somewhere. Better look for it, I might need it soon.

As a disguise.

Leg-iron said...

Trooper - 'Pleasant planet' is such a brilliantly terrifying concept I'm going to have to try for it.

It will have to be a freebie, if I can do it.

Billy The Fsh said...

I quite like the idea of working eight hours, sleeping eight hours and playing eight hours. It sounds far better than what I have at the moment - a four-tier shift pattern working nine hours a day and ten on weekends.

And there's me a public sector worker, too. You know, the ones who earn £9K a year more than everyone else and have gold plated pensions. The ones who take umpteen days sick a year and work far less than the good, honest private sector people, such as Bob Crow.

Don't believe everything you read in the papers, kids...

JuliaM said...

"More of the 'no chip shop near schools' crap. "

Indeed. And that approach is now backed up by legal precedent.

banned said...

I smoke as much as I want, eat what and how much I want and drink as much as I want, within the limits of drink driving laws; my GPs over the years have been telling me that I'll be dead "by twenty" (really), dead by 30-40-50... yet here I am in my mid fifties still ambling along.

In any case, as has been said before, if 'they' could promise me an extra few years of teenage and twentysomething it might be worth giving up a few things but for a couple of extra years in a nursing home? No thanks.

Diesel said...

This control won't affect me, neither did the last one, the one before that and the one before that. I KNOW the next one won't either.

Mainly because I just ignore them.

And if it comes to the pelletised food, well, it's not like I haven't already killed something vegetarian to eat, so I'm quite happy to do it again. And the Righteous seem to have this little blind spot when it comes to people; they think we will do what they say! Right up to the point their eyes fly open wide in shock and pain....

daily wail report said...

I see passive smoking is back under the spotlight....


David Davis said...

Old fellow, I have sent your post to Bookface - I hope you don't mind.

You are on even better from today than before. It must be the new whisky, so keep on buying that one whatever it is.

Furor Teutonicus said...

Mushrooms, very healthy. Until we soak them in garlic butter, coat them in batter and deep fry them.

I LOVE Fly Agaric, Clitocybe, psylocybe.... Aye. I can go with that as healthy eating.

Furor Teutonicus said...

Oh, and those wee gold capped things! WONDERFULL!

Young Mr. Brown said...

I note that from Nice's latest accounts on the web (2007/08) that in that year they received £33.4 million of our money from the Dept of Health.

It's budget day. The government is looking for ways of reducing the deficit. Please, Mr. Osborne. Please, Please, Please!

By the way, Nice is a very interesting acronym for an organisation. And a very amusing one for anyone who knows C.S. Lewis' 1945 novel That Hideous Strength, in which a group of leading politicians and academics set up an organisation called the National Institute of Co-ordinated Experiments (NICE).

(I don't know if you've read it. It's an odd book, and most people find at least something about it highly irritating, but the whole NICE experiment is eerily reminiscent of Britain since 1997.)

Dioclese said...

Remember - Today is Soylent Green day. Soylent Green is made out of people...

Anonymous said...

Now that the anti-smoking zealots have got their precious ban, and the fire has largely gone out of the belly of the anti-smoking movement (barring a few fanatics like Arnott from ASH, who are starting now to look more like desperate religious fanatics who are fast losing their congregations rather than the victors in a moral crusade which one might imagine they should be looking like), there’s definitely a bit of elbowing and jostling between the anti-alcohol brigade, the anti-fat brigade and, to a lesser extent, the anti-salt brigade, to try and grab pole position as this new Government’s “chosen crusaders.”

Despite all of these stories, my money’s still on booze for the top slot. Did anybody notice that although there was no duty rise on tobacco or alcohol today, there was nevertheless a threat to “review the possibility of a rise in duty on alcohol” in the Autumn to “tackle the problem of binge drinking” – but no mention of a similar re-visit to the duty on tobacco? Not to mention the fact that, as one of the best-known (and most conspicuously unmentioned) side-effects of giving up smoking is an often rapid and substantial gain in weight, there’s a very grave danger that should any anti-fat campaign achieve similar success to the anti-smoking campaign, all those newly-overweight ex-smokers might just feel that it’s easier to go back to smoking and watch the pounds fall away than to suffer all that state-sponsored prejudice all over again for something else ………

Indyanhat said...

Couldn't agree with you all more, vegetarians will be a very handy food source in the years to come, and let the fat bastards get as fat as they like, rendering factories will make use of the fat content!
I have never understoood why crematoriums are not used to power the grid?

Anonymous said...

At least the food industry is standing up to these crazed zealots and telling them where to stuff their junk science. Aren't they?
Here is their response as reported in the article defending their business and customers.
"“The food industry is leading the world when it comes to voluntarily changing the recipes of popular food brands so that they are lower in salt, fat or sugar..."
Voluntary? They never asked me.
Still, appeasement worked so well for the tobacco companies didn't it?


Leg-iron said...

David Davis - I don't mind at all. What's bookface?

Furor - Shaggy Inkcaps are great, but no wine with them. They produce the toxin that the Righteous use to make alcoholics suffer.

Young Mr. Brown, I'll look out for that book.

Furor Teutonicus said...

Leg-iron said...

Furor - Shaggy Inkcaps are great,

I know them well.

That is another thing that the British appear to be terrified of, as well as raw meat, mushrooms.

You can buy ALL kinds of mushrooms in the shop here, and it is a sport, in season, for most people to go mushroom picking.

There it's Kwiks button mushrooms or die.

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