Friday, 25 June 2010

Close shave.

Our govmint want to increase the pension age to 66 in 2016.

That is the year in which I will be 66. So I will be getting the pennies of pension I paid pounds for one year before they clamp down on everyone else. I will be so delighted I might even put a down payment on a Reliant Robin. Second hand.

Well, big deal. I smoke and drink and eat salt and fat and if I'm still alive then, the State Sandman is sure to visit to remove embarrassments from the gene pool. Even if I can get to 66 I will be looking after myself. If I can't then no amount of money will make continuation worthwhile.

Pension, to me, is death's back door. Accept that and you accept the end. It's a black scythe in State garb.

There is no predetermined end to my life. One day it will just stop.

I will not take the State's word on when that should be. I will not waste the end of it on SAGA holidays and allotment pottering. I don't know when the end will come.

It will come but when it does, it will find me with teeth bared and eyes open.

And a lit cigarette.

Oh, and if the bottle isn't empty. then you'll have to come back later.


Correction- I'll only be 56 in 2016. I can't even imagine being around in 2026. It feels like far too long for anyone to be hanging around.
So I won't escape the ever-vanishing retirement age. There's really not much of an argument left for stopping smoking or cutting down on booze and fat and salt. Living longer just means working longer. Might as well enjoy ourselves and cash in early because retirement is an empty promise anyway.

15 comments:

Billy The Fish said...

Liked ths 'Sandman' nod, Leggy.

Perhaps we should put all our politicians on Carousel after their five years are up?

Anonymous said...

"it will find me with teeth bared and eyes open"
Probably wrong in one way or another. Tooth decay and cataracts will see to that.
They last few years can be real bumpy.

Anonymous said...

Hey LI,

I thought you might appreciate this one - whiskey stones!

http://www.thinkgeek.com/homeoffice/kitchen/ba37/

Paul said...

LI

I thought you'd just turned 50 like me

Anonymous said...

Don't worry LI, there is useful & enjoyable life after your pension - since becoming a pensioner I've gone on my first balloon flight, spent a week sailing on a 72 footer & done my first abseil.

Captain Haddock said...

Well said L.I ...

I'm in exactly the same position & hold exactly the same viewpoint .. Fuck 'em all ... Lol

Anon @ 0837 ..

If you ever get the chance, I thoroughly recommend abseiling 200 feet, from a hovering Helicopter .. Beats bouncing off a cliff-face any day .. ;)

Anonymous said...

Thought you were 50 ish, not 60ish.

What's going on????

Catinthehat

Chuckles said...

How about being shot by a rival smuggler and gangster for fooling around with his mistress?

And I have it on very good authority that some of the best people, flower of the nation, are turning 66 in 2016.

Leg-iron said...

Excess whisky plays hell with my mathematical abilities. I'll only be 56 when they raise the pension age to 66. So I'm not going to escape.

When I started out, I was going to retire at 60 (it was a university job). Then 65. now 66. I'm never going to get to retirement at all at this rate.

Anon- the teeth might be plastic by then and the eyes might be cloudy but there'll still be fire in them.

Actually, I'm looking forward to cataracts. Everyone I know who's had them removed has improved vision afterwards. Plastic teeth, plastic eyes, plastic heart valves - bring it on! I'll be in that landfill until the end of time.

Roue le Jour said...

Got me fair and square, I'm 65 in 2016. And I'm still smarting from them moving the school leaving age up from 14 to 15 just as I was getting close to that.

Ah well, sing a happy song. "Born on a summer day, 1951..."

John R said...

"Life’s journey is not to arrive at the Pearly Gates safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid up sideways, worn out and tattered shouting “...Holy Crap, what a ride...!”

Go for it!!

northern smoker said...

In catch 22,Col.Cathcart keeps raising the number of missions a pilot has to fly before they can be rotated out of duty.
Wonder if there will be a poor soul with just the right birthday who just doesn't ever retire thanks to some kind of beaurocratic cock-up - the age limit keeps getting raised just before he qualifies.Maybe born on feb 29?
If theres a short story in there leggy,you can pay me in daleks :D

smokervoter said...

In the year 2026 (sounds vaguely like an old song I seem to recall from the 60's) having banned smoke, drink, salt and fat, it will doubtlessly become illegal to die prematurely and/or of a preventable cause. If you do happen to perish at 66, your closest relatives will then have to pay a fine because your passing will serve as proof that you violated the mandated lifestyle regulations during the preceding years. These fines will serve to fill the revenue gap created by millions of 80-plus year old pensioners being supported by the mere thousands of younger workers subsidizing their retirement.

Anonymous said...

I love being retired (75 yrs old in Dec.)
Every four weeks I chortle at the fact that I am at last getting some payback by way of a full state pension + SERPS, after all the money the bastards have grabbed from me.
I hope I will be one of the Government's bad bargains, like my father-in-law was for the Gas Board. He drew an index linked pension for 31 years, after retiring at 65.
Truly - he surely cost the Gas Board more in pension than he earned from them when actually working.
Brilliant!

Leg-iron said...

You know, pension companies give smokers a better deal than non-smokers because they think we're all going to die within weeks of cashing in.

On average, that does indeed happen but there's more than smoking at work here. I could discuss it but then the antismokers won't have any of it anyway, and why throttle the goose that lays the golden eggs?

As long as they believe smoking is the only factor in early death, we'll keep getting those good pension deals.

Non-smokers could turn up with a zero-nicotine Electrofag and claim to be smokers too.

They'll fall for it. The antismoking hysteria will ensure they'll fall for it.

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