Monday, 4 October 2010

Being fair to Antismokers.

Are you a moron who fails to notice when you've shit yourself? Or are you a paedophile?

One or the other, antismoker. Choose.

What's that you say? Not fair? Tough. Choose.

You want me to die. You want me to die in pain. You despise me and regard me as worthless and you want me to be fair?

I have a cure for Clostridium difficile that now works even without metronidazole. Which is good because metronidazole is carcinogenic. Your choice is the possibility of maybe getting cancer in the future or very probably dying of C. difficile this week.

I can stop a Salmonella infection in its tracks. In fact, you need never worry about Salmonella or most kinds of E. coli again. These new antibiotic resistant strains? No problem. My Stuff is not an antibiotic. It does not generate resistant strains. It can't.

But you want me to die and you consider me useless. Therefore I have to add nicotine to the formulation. It will have no effect at all on its function but you shit-stained paedo antismokers won't touch it. You won't let your children have it either.

Think of it as a sort of natural selection. While smokers, and those non-smokers who have no objection to smoking (the nicotine content will not actually affect you at all but don't tell the antismokers), will survive the new wave of experimental pathogen release, you antismokers are all going to die. In pain. On a diarrhoea-soaked sheet, surrounded by the NHS you think you're the only ones paying for.

Just as you wish on me.

Now that's what I call 'fair'.


Anonymous said...

This is truly excellent news, LI! Justice indeed! But if the nicotine doesn't actually have any effect either way, isn't there a chance that a rival lab will produce a nicotine-free version? Or do you patent your "potions" (can you patent things in your line of work??) Will the powers-that-be want to know why the nicotine is in there? Will they even ask? Will you be able to blind them with science as to why it's there, or are you under no obligation to reveal the formula or the way it works?

Leg-iron said...

The potion is already patented. Without nicotine.

So the nicotine is there just for revenge and doesn't affect the patent because it isn't part of the effective components. It's flavouring.

Politicians will ask but I don't plan to make it available to them anyway. They hate me, after all...

Anonymous said...

Of course, if the 'potion' was only available to the public in a form that required inhalation through a short white tube.....

subrosa said...

Metronidazole didn't work for me LI, it was two courses of Vancomycin.

Should I ever be unfortunate enough to acquire that bug again, then please do add nicotine to the treatment. That would at least make it slightly more acceptable.

That's fair isn't it.

Frank Davis said...

Screw all the antismokers.

Screw every last one of them.

Screw them into the ground.

Angry Exile said...

Ooooh, Leg-iron. It's a bit twisted but I like it. Turnabout is fair play and all that, and they'd only be doing it to themselves really.

Captain Ranty said...


Thanks for the links.

Trouble is, the bastards would happily use your new concoction, nicotine or not.

The one thing they do best is about-turns.

You've heard the stories: "Well Mr Anti, I'm sorry to say that practising your particular brand of hatred for ten years has damaged your heart irreparably. That's the bad news. The good news is that we have a new heart for you, but it belonged to a forty a day man".

Anti: "So fucking what? Gimme, gimme, gimme".

Same for corneas, lungs, livers and kidneys.

When they're up against it, they change their minds.


Anonymous said...

Oddly enough, they are intending to minimise the amount of niacin available to the public.

"A tolerable upper intake level for nicotinic acid of 10 mg/day"

"It seems odd to say the least that important brain nutrients are taken off the market, while psychiatric drugs are pushed off on people as if they were candies."

"In 1996, for example, the Ecologist magazine revealed that, when the Codex Alimentarius (the World Trade Organisation body that sets international standards for drugs, food, supplements, etc) met, the German delegation put forward a proposal, sponsored by three German pharmaceutical firms, that no herb, vitamin or mineral should be sold for preventive or therapeutic reasons, and that supplements should be reclassified as drugs."

By my calculations, I take at least 20mg a day in instant coffee and cigarettes alone.


Anonymous said...


Who actually owns the rights to these concoctions you have discussed ?

When will they become available in the marketplace ?

Expat living in Canada.

Ed P said...

Nice one LI!
Would the lateness of the hour when you posted have anything to do with your vehemence?
When do you hope to have these wonder products available in the High Street?

Leg-iron said...

Subrosa - two courses of vancomycin sounds rough. It's a last resort, that one, not just because it's expensive but because it's fairly nasty in itself.

If you ever get it again, I have a freezer full of ready-prepared stuff. It tastes of cranberry, but the medics assure us that there's not enough cranberry to interfere with treatments like warfarin.

That's important because everyone who catches the bug is already in hospital for something else, so we have to be sure it won't interfere with current treatments.

Leg-iron said...

The potion is owned by the company that paid for it. Getting it onto the market means getting past the regulations on 'is it a medicine' and that takes time.

I've been trying to persuade them to sell it as just a drink, no claims, just a note that it contains a prebiotic. If they did it would be on sale now and we could add the claims after the tortuous series of trials are complete.

EdP - the vehemence came from reading Captain Ranty's accounts of those two antis. It meant that even paedophiles and people who crap themselves in public now think they are better than smokers.

Just how low down the social ladder have the government and their ASH Gestapo put us?

The rage hasn't abated yet, this one could last a while.

Fascist Hippy said...

Incontinent paedophiles, what an awful picture that conjures up, not as bad as a politician I guess but awful all the same.

subrosa said...

LI, I'd no idea vancomycin was the last resort until months later. Actually there were no side effects from it and I can't say that for metronidazole or intravenous prednisolone (which created an elephant's appetite).

Since then it's 2 Yakult a day. I'd quite happily take a drink, flavoured or not, than have the current treatment.

Now you've been so kind, I retract my comments about your book signing. I'll be delighted to attend. :)

Anonymous said...


Thanks for your answer. Always interesting to hear about these things.

Expat living in Canada.

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