PC Christmas songs.

Christmas songs of the future will have to pass through the transformative equalisation of PC Newspeak, subject to official approval, checking, rechecking and future adjustment as and when required.

White Christmas, by Bingo McChrimbo.

First pass - the Diversity Office.


I'm dreaming of a censored Censored
(might offend coloured minorities and other religions)
Just like the ones I used to know
Where the treetops glisten,
and children listen
To hear sleigh bells in the snow

I'm dreaming of a censored Censored
With every Censored card I write
May your days be merry and bright
And may all your Censoreds be censored


Second pass - For the Cheeeldren Department.


I'm censored of a censored Censored
(dreaming can suggest nightmares)
Just like the ones I used to know
Where the censoreds glisten,
(talk of trees encourages hazardous tree climbing)
and censoreds censored
To censored censored in the snow
(mention of children will attract paedos: listen, hear and bells,
discriminates against deaf children)
(sleighs encourage hazardous speeding on slopes)

I'm censored of a censored Censored
With every Censored card censored
(discriminates against the illiterate)
May your days be censored censored
(discriminates against sad children)
And may all your Censoreds be censored


Third pass - Health Department


I'm censored of a censored Censored
Censored censored censored censored
(discriminates against those with poor memories)
Where the censoreds censored,
('glisten' discriminates against the blind)
and censoreds censored
To censored censored in censored
('snow' is offensive to those whose
grandparents have died in unheated homes)

I'm censored of a censored Censored
With every Censored card censored
May your days be censored censored
And may all your Censoreds be censored


Final version approved for circulation to all licenced carol-singers, along with a reminder that any unlicenced carol-singers will be required to undertake re-education. Any carol-singer found singing an unapproved version at any time will have their licence and eyes withdrawn and will be rewired by an undertaker and re-ducttaped.

(Note by inspection clerk 22391: re-check original dictation on final notes)

(Note by inspection clerk 40126: rechecked and that's what it sounds like to me, innit?)



A little frivolity, but don't laugh too loud. It's the logical conclusion to what's happening in this country. We really aren't that far away from this now.

The scary part is, you can still sing it...

UPDATE: It's already begun.