Thursday, 16 December 2010

Deck the halls with blood and bodies, falalala...

The Bearded Men of Doom plan Christmas attacks on us. I don't see how they'll manage to do that. We've banned Christmas. There'll be guys in white nighties tapping people on the shoulder saying 'Excuse me, infidel, is it Christmas yet?' and getting arrested for the political incorrectness of saying 'Christmas'.

Guys in white nighties
Timer reaching the end
Internal organs
All I do is press 'send' (guess-the-song time)

We're supposed to be frightened. I say we laugh at them. Conciliation does not work, reason does not work, even rolling over and letting them have their way does not work. As the Russians are finding, direct confrontation is what they crave. So let's try derision. If nothing else, it'll cheer us up.

They plan to cause chaos at Christmas. Have they looked at this place over Christmas? Chaos starts in November and we don't sober up until March. Well, okay, that might just be me and a few friends. The West is obsessed with a) global warming and b) deciding whether winter tyres should be made compulsory in view of the persistently cold weather.

We have windmills where there's no wind, solar panels in a country where it's dark for half the year and cloudy for the other half, a government that spends its time calling each other names when it's not engaging in fraud, spying or illicit sex. We have students protesting about fees they aren't really ever going to pay and we have people telling us that eating is bad for us. We have people turning up at hospitals with the Winter Squits in case they become dehydrated, because they don't have taps at home. They are admitted to hospital, thus spreading the Winter Squits all over the hospitals and to every place that patients are discharged to, while claiming smokers and fat people are crippling the NHS. Banks have no money, shops have no food, the post office can't deliver because of a little bit of snow and murderers sue their employers when they get fired after conviction.

They want to bring us chaos? The old saying ' like taking coal to Newcastle' comes to mind. Although it doesn't work any more because we have to take coal to Newcastle now that there's no coal mining any more. Perhaps it should be replaced. 'Like sending criminals to Parliament' might work.

Alky Ada, listen up. You cannot bring us chaos. We ARE chaos. What are you planning, another outing for 'de Boom Trousah'? Another premature detonation, like the one in Sweden? I get spam that claims it can help with that. How about a burning car parked in an airport concourse while a Glaswegian beats your operative unconscious and then lights a cigarette from the flaming corpse? Everyone else stays in their queues and sniggers at you.

This is a country that sells Christmas mince pies in October with an expiry date in November. We refuse to sell Christmas crackers to anyone under 16 because they contain 'explosives'. We have electric cars that cost more to run than petrol ones and we're giving subsidies to the idiots who buy them. We don't have the electricity generating capacity to cope now, and yet we are getting the whole country to plug their cars into the grid too. We are not scared of you. You are nothing compared to our government. Those people make you look like panelists on a Radio 4 debate show. One of those early-morning ones that make drivers fall asleep at the wheel. Yes, we deliberately broadcast early-hours programs designed to make drivers nod off. Why? No reason. We just find it amusing.

'Chaos at Christmas'. I can barely type for laughing. How much difference do Alky Ada really think they can make? They injured two people in Stockholm while last winter, the British government's Green agenda killed nearly thirty thousand. Of their own people. For no reason other than increasing their own personal wealth. Alky Ada want to bring us death and chaos? Aaaahahahahaha. We are way ahead of you. It's our principal industry these days.

Modern British are a blend of Pict and Celt and Iberian and Saxon and Viking and more. All with one thing in common. The death cult. Christianity can't fully mask it and Islam has no chance. This little wet island at the edge of Europe produces evil bastards by the score. None of them want to take over the world. They just want to burn it. Chaos isn't something imposed on us. It's what we do. Look at our politicians, do you really imagine they'll give a shit if you blow up some of us? Plenty more where we came from. Blow up those who pay no tax and they'll send you a Christmas card with 'thanks' written on it. From all parties.

Oh, we have a current infestation of Righteous but their time is nearly over. They managed to control the British 'Kill everyone' gene for a time, but time is up. Did you know we are 4% genetically Neanderthal? in Milwall, the level is higher. The Middle East don't have these genes so cannot understand their effects. Basically, guys, it means you are food. Ug. Innit?

So, okay, Alky Ada might blow something up. Then the British will eat anyone in a white nightie or a black veil. Did you ever see those Hammer films where Peter Cushing went into the vampire tomb just as the sun went down? It'll be a bit like that. Except Peter Cushing will find about fifty million vampires this time. With sloping foreheads and no interest in discussion. Twenty percent of them will be functionally illiterate anyway and can't even spell DVD.

Did you know 'thugs' come from India? The Kali sect, who worshipped the goddess of death, were the 'Thuggis' and their favourite weapon was a weighted scarf that doubled as a garotte. There's that death cult again. We love that over here on the rainy isles. From India we imported tea and death. Staples of British life. In times before our current crop of weasels, social faux-pas as trivial as passing the port to the right could end with a whisky and a pistol. Huhne should really, by now, be skinning himself and rolling in salt for his lies. We don't have honourable men in charge any more. We have worthless filth.

When we had real politicians, the IRA targeted them. It is telling that Alky Ada aren't even threatening our politicians. They know there's no point because nobody here likes them anyway.

So what do they threaten? The voters who are ignored by the politicians? How will that help? The politicians don't care how many of us die, it just cuts their pension bill and lets them send more money to Herbie Remploy-van for his face-ironing sessions. Which don't work.

Alky Ada, you have nothing to threaten us with because nothing you plan will have any effect at all. Blow up the electorate, the politicians don't care. Blow up the politicians... please. All you will achieve is the further demonisation of the Muslim who isn't being radical, who just wants to fit in and live here and earn an honest living. There are a lot of them. Oh, you might claim that they are Westernised and live as honorary Christians but there is no such thing. Here, we don't ask your religion because we don't care (Righteous box-tickers excepted). We don't notice unless you thrust it in our faces. When you do, we bare our teeth.

Not in defence of Christianity. For the rumble.

You see, Islamists, we like to pretend we didn't start it. It's part of the fun.


Anonymous said...

I name that tune as 'Knights in black leather'.
You right LI, expect another 35 thousand deaths this winter due to the cold. Gas companies racking up the profits and Chris Buffoon ensuring we pay thousands more in green taxes.

JuliaM said...

That's the first time I've seen anything about those Russian riots, and I devour newspapers and blogs like Ken Clarke devours pies!

banned said...

Guys in white nighties
Timer reaching the end
Internal organs
All I do is press 'send' certainly fits the bill for the yet-another-fail Swedish bomber.

Ta for the link Leg Iron, I just updated that post with an amusing story of US drones killing two 'British' Al Quaida operatives in Pakistan; the punch line being that they were white converts, one of whom was called Steve. LOL.

You are quite right to dismiss al Quaidas threat to impose Christmas Carnage (if the Mail didn't make it up) since however much damage they might inflict we are all much more likely to get run over by a truck or break a leg slipping over in the kitchen.

Mark Wadsworth said...

Yup, ridicule is the way forward. The Islamists have absolutely no sense of humour so they won't be able to defend themselves against that.

Re what Banned says, oon R4 they said "Two white British converts killed by drone" and I thought "good riddance".

Kynon said...

I call "Nights in White Satin".

Chuckles said...

Sounds like a description of blogging or the MyFace crowd.

Revolting song that pure syrup.

Dioclese said...

2 things :

(1) If you can come up with the rest of the lyrics I might consider putting it to the appropriate music - or I could stop being a lazy bastard and write them myself!

(2) I have slagged the Pope and Mohammed in the past, but interestingly there was more outrage when I slagged off the Pope.

Anonymous said...

Up to your usual high stand LI, now, about this song .....

Guys in white nighties
Timer reaching the end
Internal organs
All I do is press 'send'

C4 in underpants will
Blow your bits round the floor
Got 42 virgins?
You can't shag anymore


Anonymous said...

Oooh, ooh! The chorus:

And I keeel you!
Yes I keeel yooooouuuu
Aaalaah say keeeel you!

Furor Teutonicus said...

There is a BID difference between kneeliunmg down and bending over. (Thank you Zappa). And what the rag heads do is deffinately bending RIGHT over. Obviously waiting for Bobby Brown.

Furor Teutonicus said...

Häää NOW what is my bloody stupid key board up to???

gladiolys said...

I've usually thought of myself as open-minded, but what has really got my non-halal goat is a report that allegedly notices promoting Islam are going up in the East End of London declaring they are "gay-free" zones. (Fat chance of that, I'd say.)

Bugger the lot of 'em, I say.

Furor Teutonicus said...


Well, you know what the rag heads are like. They don't want to give out any money to satisfy their little perversions.

eckie said...

wee ally mcfuckwit
went on his jihad
blew off his cock
so no virgins to behad

V4V said...

Great post LI and thanks for the link.

Only 4% genetically Neanderthal, I think it gets higher the more ginger you are but don't mention it to danny Alexander...

A good ruck is in the genes, we must have a higher % than most given our history.

Proud to be a Neanderthal. V

Dr Evil said...

There are too many grains of truth in that post! I think it was the first crusade. The crusaders were asked to stop off in Lisbon. The King of Portugal asked his old allies (there being a lot of English soldiers and nobles) to help him out. Would they like a practice match and get rid of the Muslims in Lisbon? Of course they did. Not for Christianity but for a good fight and any booty. I reckon it was the fight and booty that inspired the ordinary soldier to go on these crusades anyway.

If these guys want serious violence we will give it to them. Once the rules of engagement get torn up of course!

Michael Fowke said...

Thug 4 Life

Derek said...

Stupendous post! Let it roll.

Prodicus said...

Driving (regularly) through the Islamic Republic of Tower Hamlets, I see lots & lots of white-nightie-clad chaps. With nightcaps, too. Matching. Fetching. I have often wondered where these hardworking blokes - such an asset to our economy - do their asseting. I mean, where do they actually work? I never see them in the shops and offices I visit.

Sorry - what?

Stewart Cowan said...

This is the only blog I would pay to read! (Don't get any ideas though, Leggy!)

What do you think about the concept of "moderate Muslims?"

Most people in the UK are probably moderate (mainly ultra mild), yet most of our politicians have been radicalised to carry out the destruction of our country to achieve a new global "community".

Isn't it the fundamentalists who end up setting the agenda? I believe there is a significant minority of British Muslims (forgive the oxymoron) that approves of terrorism, including 7/7.

With some nuts at the top, you can get far. Stalin and Mao had tens of millions of their own countrymen killed by setting up a system whereby most of the "moderates" were intimidated enough to play ball.

Could the radical Muslims stir up the rest of the tribe?

useless eater said...


" I see lots & lots of white-nightie-clad chaps. With nightcaps, too. "

Maybe they're extras for 'wee willie winkie' at the local theatre .

Anonymous said...

Great polemic!

Joking apart, if muslim extremists really ARE planning to srrike europe, they're more likely to plan/organise here & strike on the mainland.

Also, not sure about fighting muslim terrorists with ridicule - AFAIK the Russian situation was caused/reignited by a voluntary war with Chechnya when Putin came to power. I'm not going to draw the parallels with Iraq, but bombing an ex-ally/regional administration back to the stone age - again - then installing your own proxy government/militia probably catalyses more citizens into suicide terrorists than fighting proxy wars in Africa/Afghanistan, even where one of more of the factions are predominently muslim.

Scrumper said...

That's the first time I've seen anything about those Russian riots

That's our "soundbite" media, I guess. They were reported live on Russia Today and Al Jazeera.

Anonymous said...

I really don't like to say this, but before, during and after the Iraq war, I often asked myself, "Why do we blame Saddam Hussein for killing people who were trying to kill him?"

Now, I would not say that we ought to execute terrorists, but I am not far short of that. But if we are not going to execute them, then we ought to ensure that anyone involved in terrorist activities know bloody well that if they fail to blow themselves up, then life for them will be anything but pleasant. I don't mean cruelty and torture; I mean prison in the Outer Hebrides or The Falkland Isles - fuck (and I rarely swear) the Human Rights Act - 30 years of cold and wet, no family visits, no imams, no Koran, no contact with the outside world - but no cruelty or torture of any kind whatsoever. And the same goes for anyone who helps a suicide bomber in any way. Once assistance is proved beyond doubt, then any person helping is just as guilty as the person committing the act.

Would this encourage other jihadists? Very likely. If so - fine! Let's get rid of them all. I'll bet that the ordinary, decent muslim citizen would be glad to see the back of them - all of them.

What is wrong with our politicians? The answer is obvious! In this respect, I do not understand the Americans. Why did they set up a camp for terrorists in a nice warm country like Guatemala? What was wrong with Alaska? (I know about the extra-judiciary thing, but so what?) I'll bet a pound to a penny that if jihadists had known that there was a special camp set up in Alaska for prisoners, recruits would have fallen to negligible numbers.

Isn't it weird how these so-called clever buggers in government get themselves into such a tizzwazz about the law, that they cannot see the obvious?

In a vague sort of way (but very much the same in terms of mathematical equations!), the same ideas about the buggers in government applies to the smoking ban, but in this case, the jihadists are the fundamentalists in Tobacco Control.

Fearful Terran said...

I hope they don't damage our vulnerable anti-smoking centers of science and tolerance.

My Christmas would be ruined.

Leg-iron said...

Kynon - yup.

All those who suggested extra verses - brilliant.

Anon -

Then I keel you! Whoah-oh, I ke-eel you!


I'd respond more but I have a DVD of 'the Devil's Chair' which is hilariously deranged and I need to top up the lunacy levels here.

Leg-iron said...

Anon the First - 35000 is a Conservative estimate. When the heating oil runs out we'll be on the Stalinist numbers.

Maturecheese said...

All this blog reading can get me down until yours is read and then a smile is usually put back on my face. Had me chuckling again. Keep up the good work, you are definitely needed in the blogosphere.

opinions powered by